Dear Baxter,

 

(Warning: this post may sound very depressing, annoying, pathetic...... depending on how you feel about animals. Feel free to skip..... we just wanted to include it in our "journal" to remember the time we went through)

Dear Baxter-

We can't believe it's been one month since you have been gone. We still miss you. We still love you. I still cry everyday for you. I still cry every time I see a soccer ball, or when I walk in the door and you are not there to greet me, or when I get out of the shower very carefully because I am expecting you to be standing on the other side of the door, or when I wake up in the morning- expecting to feel your cold nose next to mine- and you are gone.  You have impacted all of us (me, Erik, Sugar) and your lack of presents has changed us all. We will never forget you.  We will never have a dog like you.... and in 50 years from now, and many other dogs come and gone...... we will still think "Remember that first dog we had, Baxter..... there is no dog that compares." You were amazing to us. If we can have at least one dog in Heaven with us.... we hope it is you (sorry Sugar, Oakley, and future dogs- hopefully we can have all of you!). We love you Baxter Baby!!

Remember that one day (October 5th)- when I wanted to get a picture of you with your soccer ball in your mouth (because it was so cute). When I said "get the ball baxter!!!" in a really high, annoying voice.... you would always get so excited and grab the ball and shake it from side to side. Not this time.    

 

When this was your response.... I knew right then something was wrong with you. I started crying and told Erik right when he got home. He, of course, thought I was out of my mind and told me I worry too much (and added "what are you going to do when our actual kids get a runny nose??") That night I tossed and turned thinking about you, worried something was wrong. After hours of this, I said my prayers (forgot before I got in bed.... don't judge me), and right away I knew, "Baxter has cancer." I woke up Erik and told him and cried the rest of the night.  

The next day, I noticed you had a hard time running up the stairs when I called your name. Other than that, you seemed perfectly normal. I got my hopes up. (Note: I had not worked in 3 full months at this point, and I spent a lot of time with these dogs. I noticed every little thing they did different). The following day (October 7)  I got home from class and you always came out with me to get the mail.  You stopped at the fence and did not come all the way with me this day. After getting back in the house, I noticed your testicles were three times their normal size (sorry for the TMI to the blogger world). I called the vet immediately, and Erik ran you over there 5 minutes later.  This vet (I'm not sure if it was the vet, or Erik trying to keep our hopes alive) said you may have an infection and prescribed you steroids and an antibiotic.  He mentioned if it was not an infection, it was most probably lymphoma (cancer of the lymph nodes). You had 2 weeks of meds, and we were to take you back for an evaluation when those were up.

I cried (once again) all night. I knew deep down it was cancer. But our dear sweet Erik and a few other friends and family kept telling me to have faith and keep my head up. You, as well, saw the sorrow in my face every time I looked at you, and you would do all you could (act normal, get up and jump around, play with your ball, wrestle with sugar, etc) just so I would have the slightest bit of hope and not be as sad. I love you for that!

Two days later (Saturday- Oct 9), was the worst day ever!!!!!! When you would randomly look up at us- I could not tell if you were confused as to where you were, or if you simply did not have any control over your body/bladder any more- but you would just start peeing on the carpet, and my heart just broke.  We took you on a walk that afternoon, and you tired easily and you could hardly urinate---it was more like a few dribbles (sorry again for the TMI). I knew you prob had a bladder infection and it had to be painful.  You just laid by the door with the most painful look in your eyes.  I could not stand it!!! Erik and I both looked at each other and said, lets go.  We took you to the vet ER because we knew it was much worse than we thought and we hated not knowing the facts.  This vet did not sugarcoat ANY thing with you.  With you laying on your side at my feet and your head reached over to touch Erik's feet, the vet told us.... this is not an infection.  This is lymphoma and it has spread throughout your body. He made us feel the swelling in your neck, on the front of your clavicles (shoulders), behind your legs, just everywhere.  I tried to fight back the tears. He said your pelvis and urethra were also pretty swollen and that was probably what was making it so difficult for you to use the bathroom. He also mentioned that you had dropped about 15-20 since your last check up as a "healthy dog" not long ago. I lost the battle against my tears as a squeaked out "so now what?" The vet, giving as all options, but again no hope.... said "well, you could do treatment. We do not offer it here tho. You would have to go to a place about an hour and a half away that specials in that. It would be expensive. He's an old dog- over ten years old. So even with the chemo, he probably wouldn't live long anyway." Our sweet Erik asked, "How much are we looking at." The vet said, "about $4,000+." I sobbed..... loud.  We loved you so much Baxter. We would have done anything to have you around longer if we knew it was for the better.  This was not the right choice for us. We knew this when the vet continued, "He is in a lot of pain, and I do not think chemo is the right choice for you guys or your dog." He beat around the bush a bit here, but basically told us our only other option was to put you down. I couldn't take this.  I struggled for air as I was literally sobbing that hard.  You got up and put your head in my lap as to let me know "this will be okay."  The vet said we did not have to do it right then (thank goodness!!!! There was no way I would have even been capable of doing it right then). But we did need to make a decision soon.... you were only going to get worse, but the steroids would make your last days bearable.  He let us know you would probably not even make it to finish your full two weeks of meds (this made me angry---- at least pretend like there is a little hope!!)

With that, I took you and ran out (okay, more like hobbled out considering I was still in a walking boot) to get some air and not make such a fool of myself as I lost it inside the office.  We went to the car where sugar was waiting (I think she knew everything that was going on) and she just kissed you all over.... then on to me as she noticed how hard of a time I was having.  We went home and Erik just held me and we cried and cried (yes, Erik cried too.... he probably does not want me telling the world that... but I think it's rather sweet).  He told me we do not need to make our decision any time soon (as I struggled to think I HAD to make your death sentence), and we just needed to enjoy our time with you.  

 

So that we did.  We went to mothers every single day (because we knew you loved the grass and the fresh air). We gave you all kinds of people food. We cuddled with you nonstop.  We both found ourselves, whenever possible, sitting with you.... either to pet you or to play with you. I hope you enjoyed yourself!! You seemed happy.  You seemed like the normal Baxter. You ate a TON! You were using the bathroom just fine. You enjoyed your car rides and your walks and would still get excited and jump around.  You still played with Sugar. You still greeted me at the door and would jump up on Erik or I whenever we came into your view.  I was hopeful!! I knew we would have you longer than that stupid vet said. And decided not to worry about your "death sentence" and we would just know when it was your time.

 But with all those good times that gave me hope..... there was the reality of it all.  You were dying.  Cancer was taking over your body.  Day by day you got skinnier. Day by day you were slowing down. If it wasn't bathroom problems, it was wheezing.  I did not sleep as I heard you struggling for air every night.  I did not sleep as I heard you wondering around the dark house because you could not get comfortable.  And that one night when you and sugar were playing/wrestling.... I had the biggest smile on my face and told everyone to watch and you were going to be just fine.... and just like that, everything changed.  You randomly got a bloody nose and there was blood everywhere!! All over the carpet, all over me, all over sugar, all over your fur... and when I freaked out you got embarrassed and went and laid in the kitchen. Blood all over the kitchen floor... I mean ALL over.... and it was not stopping.  I tried to help you but you just put your head down like you were ashamed.  I cried--- do you see a pattern here.  Erik again just held me and said he would take care of everything---- again, another pattern?

It was a roller-coaster of a week.  And just like that..... cancer took my baby.  I cannot believe how fast this AWFUL illness took you. I hope you were not in too much pain! I cried every time I saw you like this. 

Sunday (October 17)- You had the best day ever!!!! You were running everywhere, very alert, very lively. My parents made steaks that night and let you and sugs have the left-overs.  You guys were in heaven!!! Was that all you needed to make your life complete?

The next day..... was fine.  Not as good as Sunday.... but not bad.  That night I noticed there was still a full bowl of dog food when we were packing up to go home and thought (hm.... the dogs did not eat much today) and went on with my night.

The next day..... you were done.  You had lived your life and did not want to suffer anymore.  You knew your time was up.  You refused to take your medicine, you refused to eat.  We did not want to give up that easy. We did not want YOU to give up.  We tried everything.  Hiding the steroids in a hot dog (knew it was over when you refused a hot dog.... those were your favorite!!), hiding them in peanut butter, my mom tried giving you a brownie... my dad tried salt just to see if you would eat ANYTHING. Nothing. You were done and were trying to get us all to except this.  That day was terrible.  My family had grown to fall in love with you and the sweet spirit you were.  Even they (who are not huge animal lovers) hurt to see you this way.  They all took turns (especially mom and dad) to go out and spend some time with you and try to get you to take your meds just to have another day or 2 with you. I text Erik (who was at work) and told him he need to get the next night off because it was time. And to hurry home because it was the last night with our sweet baby.  Leaving my parents house that night was rough.  My parents had a hard time saying goodbye (and my sisters refused to say bye).  You were not responsive at all at this point.  My dad tried convincing me to just let you stay there... but I just wanted one more night with you (I hope that was okay).  At my voice, you slowly got up and followed me to the car.  You needed a little help, but you got in the car- and into the house.  I did get you to eat a little bit of ice cream that night (I justified the ice cream by saying 1. the cold would feel good on you throat and 2. it was simply your last night and I would spoil you all I wanted to!!) The second I tried to sneak in the steroid (yes, I was still trying) you stopped eating once again.

 Sugar cuddled a lot with you that night. She was also very very sad! Not the same Sugar at all. I made a bed next to you and laid with you all night. When Erik got off work, he joined us.  He struggled that night.... not realizing it got that bad that fast.  He just wanted more time with you.

The next day was terrible.... to say the least.  We both woke up knowing that this day, October 20th.... was the day you were going to die.  What a feeling!!! I have never been so depressed.  I left for class early and came back to get ready for work at about 10:30.  When I got back from class you did not greet me at the door (Erik and I both said... the moment you stopped greeting us at the door, or the moment you stopped eating.... that would be the time.  You did both). I found you laying in the guest bathroom with your head between the bathtub and the toilet. "Please don't be dead!" I remember saying over and over. You were still breathing. Thank goodness. How terrible would that be if I walked in and saw my sweet dog laying there dead??!! I was sad you would not follow me, or respond to me no matter how hard I tried. I cried in the shower, I cried while I got ready for work.  you finally came back there to find me.  I did not have a chance to wipe up the water from my shower, so you fell.  You did not have the strength to get up... so there you were, all 4 paws spread every which direction and you just looked at the ground... knowing you could not get back up on your own.  I did the best I could to help you.... but again, my heart just kept breaking more and more.  I got you situated on the bathroom mat and said goodbye.  I told you I love you very much.... and was dying inside knowing what what going to happen when I came home from work.  Off I went.... praying the whole day at work that I would have the strength to do what I need to do when I got off work. I honestly knew I did not. 

 Erik got home from class that day around 3.  He found you, just where I had left you (on the bathroom floor) lifeless. His heart dropped. He freaked out. He loved you just as much as I did... and I honestly can't imagine what was going on in his head.  He sat there with you for a long time and cried along with Sugar.  He than thought of me (of course- such a sweet man I have) and knew I would be home from work soon and could not see you like that. He called my mom and asked her for help. My mom grabbed one of the lawyers from her work and her suburban and came right over.  Together, the men wrapped you up, and carried your lifeless body to the back of the suburban.  My mom sat with Sugar to hold her back from you.  You were then handed off to the vet. Just one day shy of your 2 week follow-up appointment with him. He assured Erik (with my mom there with him) that we did everything right.  He was not in pain for more than a day if he continued eating and playing. And we gave him a great life (who knew what would have happened if we did not rescue him). And some dogs just know. And I think you, my Baxter, were special.  You knew that there was no way I could have got you up on that table and said goodbye to you while you were still breathing on your own. But also knew that I could not watch you suffer any more. This was the best possible solution for the worst possible situation.  I cannot image what Erik went through.

Were you in a lot of pain? Did we wait too long to decide to put you down? Are you mad at us for trying so long? I'm sorry. I hope not. We did what we thought was right.... but yes, I'm sure we were a little selfish along the way as well. I hope we did everything okay.
 

Erik waited to tell me what happened until I got off work.  I think I already knew deep down. It was rough. But I think Erik had a harder time seeing you lifeless. I could not image. We laid together and cried for a good hour or two. To this day.... I still have the perfect image of you. You were the most beautiful dog.  You were the sweetest dog. You were the perfect dog!! You were and still are a part of this family.  We love you Baxter babies!!

I'm sorry if I was ever bitter at the fact I felt like you came into our lives just to die on us. Or bitter at your previous owners for treating you (without flaws) so poorly. Or if they abandoned you just because they found out you were sick. I am grateful they let us take care of you those last (crucial) months.  I would not change a thing (well maybe a few things). I hope we made your life.... at least the last 4 months..... enjoyable. Worth living. You definitely made ours worth living. 

  Sugar had the hardest time.... believe it or not (considering we had such a hard time).  She was literally depressed.  Her best friend was gone.  Nothing, and I mean NOTHING got her excited.  We took her on walks.... she cried and jumped up on me the whole time (and walks are her favorite, you know that). Not car rides... she would get excited for a second and then before jumping in the car, she would step back to let you go first (like she always did) and then realize you were not coming and would be depressed again.  She did not eat, she would not come and get her treats in the morning... she just laid on the couch depressed.  We let her sleep with us, and had to give her human food just to get her to eat. We had to get her another dog within 2 days.  Not to replace you (nothing could replace you) but just to have her a little friend while we were gone.  She did not like him.  It was not "Baxter" and she wanted nothing to do with this annoying puppy.  She's doing better now, but I know she still misses you.

Erik, like I said, also had a really hard time with you going. You were his buddy! I don't know if it was because you were a male, or if it was your personality. You were always "his dog" and sugar was always my dog in his opinion.  He loved playing with you. He always claimed you when we went on walks. When he went to do anything outside it was "I'll take Baxter." He loved, loved loved you. And still does!

I think I goes without saying how I feel.  I was heartbroken. And still am.  I miss you very very very much.... but I got to admit.... I'm glad that emotional roller-coaster is over.  I hated getting my hopes up just to have them crushed within minutes.  I hated looking at you knowing that you had cancer and you were dying.  Also, I questioned myself.  I questioned whether I should be a nurse or not.  I hate hate hate cancer... and obviously do not do well with it.  I do not do well with bad news. I do not do well with sickness. With dying. And you are "just" my dog (don't worry... I saw you as much more than that).... but what about when dealing with actual humans. Actual kids and babies. Can I do it? Am I going into a profession I can handle?

See.... you affected us a lot!!! But along with questioning my whole college career and life long goal.... you made me realize, "Yes, this is the profession for you." I have my weaknesses to work out... yes. But I clearly have the passion and the compassion that it takes to be in the medical field.  The medical field is a special place..... helping people (and animals) is a special feeling. And who knows... maybe I'll go on to research and help find a cure for that stupid STUPID cancer that has taken the lives of so many of those I love very deeply.

We love you Baxter!!!! Rest in Peace. Until we meet again.

Happy Birthday Kelsy!!!

Happy birthday to my little sister Kelsy. She is the big 1-8 today! I still think of her as being 8. My other sisters and I, for the longest time (seriously like 4 or 5 years), would say 8 whenever somone would ask how old she is. I don't know if it was the "baby" stigma, or her maturity level..... or the fact that she never quite cared about the things that came with growing up (to this day... does not wear any make-up, never has really liked boys- as Kade would say "she is...." nevermind). Anyway..... needless to say, she has always seemed very young to me..... its crazy she is 18 and a senior in high school!
We love Kelsy!!! What would life be like without her in our family? Nobody to laugh at, nobody to save you just when you are feeling a little dumb, no "kelsy stories" on a daily basis, no soccer to go watch. She is an awesome soccer player.... I have been out of work for the last 3 months (high school soccer season) so I was able to go watch a lot of her games. They are actually pretty fun... and Kelsy dominates (other than she is kind of a wimp and ended up on the ground every game)!

Here are a few "Kelsy stories":
Kelsy: ".... blah blah my teacher Mr. Card-ER blah blah blah...."
Me: "Kelsy, why do you say his name like that. Don't you mean Carter"
Kelsy: "noooo...... it's not with a 't' it's like a Card, and then -er. Card-er. Not Carter!"
Me: "Right Kelsy..... but you still pronounce it the same." *Kelsy with her confused face* "Nevermind Kelsy, say it however you want"

One night Rachelle and Kelsy were watching law and order and they were talking about how someone was bias......
Mom: "Kelsy, do you know what it means to be bias?"
Kelsy: "um..... to be bisexual?"
all of us: "what?!?"

One day at church, my mom was sending Kelsy home to get a few things for her. She was writing her a note during sacrament meeting (1st hour of church) and wrote a few things. One thing said.... blah blah blah get something in the cupboard next to the fridge. Kelsy read through the note... then sat there and stared at the note with a look a confusion. She turn her head to every angle as she stared at a very specific stop on the paper.
Mom: "oh Kelsy...... what word do you not know?"
Kelsy: "Mom, what is a cup-board?"
Mom: trying to hold a stern face "Kelsy!!! A cupboard!!!! That says cupboard... you know... like a CUPBOARD!!"
Kelsy: again, very confused and very concerned "no... that says CUP----BOARD. That is not how you spell cupboard"
Mom: "okay Kelsy... whatever"

From mom:
Kelsy had a concusion a few weeks ago from soccer (I'm telling you... she's always hurt!!) My mom- being the mom she is- would run over to the school every day to bring her whatever she needed and to check on her. This particular day, she brought her food, ibuprofen, and a root beer float. She handed her the ibuprofen, and the drink and then waited for her to put it in her mouth and swallow it (there is a reason we treat her like she is 5). Kelsy puts the ibuprofen in her mouth, takes a drink..... sits there for a second thinking (this is rare).... and then looks down her straw.
Mom: "Kelsy!!! Did you swallow the ibuprofen?"
Kelsy: "um..... I don't know..... I think it might have gone down the straw..."
Mom: "Kelsy!!! I didn't bring any extra"

From Crysti:
Kelsy has a always been very strange. Remember when she was little and she used to pretend like she was a dog? She would litterally come up to you and sit at your feet and bark and pant like a dog. Or you would be sitting on the couch watching tv and she would jump up on the couch and lick you and continue barking and panting. Weird... right?? Also.... remember whenever any boys would come over, she would just walk up to them and stare. When they would finally get passed the confusing, small girl staring up at them.... they would manage to say "hi" or "how's it going?" or something along those lines... and then she would just kick them in the shin... and causually walk away. Weird. No other way to descibe little Kelsy.

From Dad:
Last night we were watching tv together..... (this is a 'Princess Bride' reference.... which we all grew up with... so it you don't know that movie.... skip this)
Dad: "So.... tomorrow is your birthday, huh?
Kelsy: "yep."
Dad: "the big 18, huh??"
Kelsy: "yep."
Dad: "you know I kind of love you... but I'm going to have to kick you out tomorrow"
*reference from the princess bride when that one guy says to Wesley- "You know I kind of like you, but I'm going to have to kill you tomorrow"*
Dad of course cracks up at him self, and Kelsy just turns her head to the side and looks at him in confusion. Nevermind Kelsy.

This happens a lot. We try to joke or talk to her about something, and she just does this very specific look and says "huh?" She doesn't understand much... and you have to explain things like 5 times or talk slow for her to catch on. But this makes things very entertaining.  Whenever we think of a big word... or any word that sound a little sophisticated we say "hey Kelsy... what does blah blah blah mean?" Just so we can get in a good laugh as she tries to come up with her most sensible answer.  A question as simple as "how was your day" or "what have you been up to" gets you the most random/ amusing/ dumb/ crazy responses you can think of. It's good times whenever you talk to this girl.

Happy Birthday Kelsy!!! What would we do without you??

Our big, little additions!!!

Hi, my name is Baxter. You already know, from the previous post, how I ended up with my family. I was abandoned..... starved.... and abused. I am over 10 years old. I love Kimber and Erik. My new owners fed me A LOT when they took me in, so I got some meat on my bones. However.... I did have some seperation anxiety from being abandoned.  The first few weeks after being rescued, I would hyperventilate any time Kimber and Erik would leave my sight (including leaving for work, using the restroom.... anything that required them to leave my sight). The second night with them, I was in the yard (surrounded by a 6 foot fence), and Erik and Kimber where on the other side getting groceries from the car. I could hear their voice and my anxiety kicked in.... I did NOT want to get abandoned again. Although I am old, and huge, and can't jump..... I gave it all I had I got my paws over the top of the fence and pushed myself over. I fell onto my back on the other side.... it did not feel good, but I got to my owners! I was hyperventilating and crying. I went and sat in the trunk where the groceries were.... they were not leaving me!!! After a few weeks... and Kimber and Erik coming back to me every time the left..... I starting to trust them more and more and my anxiety slowly stopped and things with me got normal.  

I'm an alpha dog. I guard...... especially Kimber.  I follow her wherever she goes, and I lay in front of the door of whatever room she is in.  I don't get on any furniture, I don't chew up anything (except Kelsy's soccer balls), I don't bark at people, I am house broken and I am just content laying around all day.  I sound pretty perfect, right? One flaw I do have..... being this beautiful, and having this fur comes with shedding.  I shed like crazy!!!!

Although I love sugar- I'm not a fan of other dogs.  I am a bit sceptical. And although I am the biggest sweetheart.... little dogs (especially) bug me! I need to uphold my image and be intimidating to the dog world. One day, Kimber was taking us on our daily walk. We were coming up on an annoying yappy little dog. Kimber did all she could to avoid the situation, but her not being that strong, and trying to hold back two huge dogs.... this dog and his owner did not stand a chance.  I licked the owner (because I love people), and that gave him a comforting feeling and walked passed with his annoying dog in his arms.  I reached up and put that little dog in my mouth! Now.... I know what you are thinking. But I did not break the skin..... in fact, I would hardly say I even bit him! He was not hurt, but he squealed like a little baby.  This of course got me a few swats from Kimber... and a threat to have the pound called on me from the yappy dog's owners. Nothing happened.  The next weekend Erik took me to his friends house.  When outside using the bathroom, I saw a couple little chiwawas. GOLD! I ran right over there and put the whole thing in my mouth! Something about having a whole dog in my mouth does something to my ego... and I like it!! Again.... I did not cause harm to this dog. Erik freaked out within seconds and I split the little guy out... you should have seen that thing scurry off!

Anyway.... I am so grateful for my owners. And in return.... my owners are beyond happy I came into their life. They love me so much!!! I have cancer throughout my body. My time with them will be cut short. My owner is crying as she writes this post.... so she will stop here. Maybe once I am put to rest and am out of pain she will write more about this.

Hello! I am sugar. I also go by: sugs, sug-night, sugar babies. I am three years old. I am basically the opposite of Baxter! But I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing.  I love to cuddle. I weigh about 75 pounds.... but think I weigh 5 pounds. Don't let my size fool you. I'm actually a lap dog at heart. I am a princess (according to Erik- that translates to a "pansy"). I will not lay on the carpet.... gross! I hate being outside. I need to be the center of attention. I insist on sleeping on a real bed (comforters are my preference), but these new owners of mine insist I sleep on this nonsense they call a "doggy bed." I got away with sleeping with them for the first few weeks. Erik is huge so he got a good portion of the bed, I'm a princess so I sprawled out and took about 1/2 of the bed, and poor Kimber got a small corner. Apparently since I'm the "dog" I'm the one who got the boot.  This "doggy bed" of mine just does not work for me.  I get up after a few hours of sleeping in the middle and all the cushion is on the sides. I have to use my paw and push it all back to the middle- usually takes about 5 minutes of continuous "scratching" motion and sound. Ridiculous. 

You can usually find me in these kinds of positions. I'm constantly making Erik and Kimber laugh. I'm also a ditz. I run into everything!! You name- the bed, the night stand, the coffee table. Oh man that coffee table is going to be the death of me! I run into that thing on a daily basis!! Lets face it... I bring the entertainment to this household!

I love Erik. I really do.... But I am definitely a mamma's girl.  If she goes to the bathroom... I'm right there.  If she gets up to get something from the bedroom, I am right there with her. If she's on the couch... and there is no room to sit next to her, I sit on top of her. I do make for a great cuddle buddy tho. When we go to Kimber's parents house.... I'm not allowed inside. Can you believe that?? I love going over there because they have grass, but when everyone is inside my anxiety just kicks in. I NEED to have Kimber in sight at all times.  I can cry and scratch the doors all I want.  Doesn't work. So... what do I do? I follow her.... from window to window I go. Wherever she goes. I start to cry when she starts to do her make-up. I know that means she is leaving (heaven forbid she actually get ready for any other reason). And when I see that stupid purple suitcase- I'm done for it. I cry and cry. I refuse to eat when she leaves for a long period of time, and I even go thru the trash and act out just so she needs to come home!

What would life be without these sweet little additons to our family?? I can't image. They make life so much more interesting. They are my best little friends. I had a hard time excepting Erik and I's conflicting schedule and I felt we never got to see each other.  These little beauties filled that "lonely" feeling I was having in this new life of ours.  When I was home with a broken foot.... they entertained me. I talk to them all day long. I enjoy coming home and having them both right in the door (to the point I can't even get in), excited to see us- yet whimpering with sadness because they missed you. I'm so grateful they came into our life!!

They love grass. They love, love, love going on walks!!! Baxter loves his soccer balls.... think he has 3 now that he has popped and he loves carrying them around.  Neither one will play fetch with Erik (he was a little disappointed), but they love going to the park and just running free. 

They love car rides. Yes.... this is a picture of their arrangement in the car. Shows their personalities- Baxter's carefree "whatever" personality. And sugar sitting on Baxter..... crazy, princess personality.  Make fun of me.... but I take them every where I can. Post office, bank, when paying bills, to my mom's office, to my parent's house.... any place I can leave them in the car for a short while and they will be okay. I even took them to the mall with me one night (30 minute drive). Sugar apparently has never been on the freeway and the high speeds freaked her out! She was shaking and basically sitting on my lab. I'm sure anyone that drives by and sees these 2 huge dogs in the car with me gets a slight smirk on their face. Hey... I'm just here to make some one's day!

They love each other!!! They play together all day/night long. I love watching them wrestle. Sugar is usually the instigator..... but Baxter always dominates.  Sugar usually ends up on her back, with Baxter's mouth around her neck (again no harm... he just has this thing with putting dogs in his mouth?). And it ends when sugar comes hiding behind me or Erik like a pansy! I don't think they have ever been separated since we have taken them in (4 months ago). Sure they have their differences. Baxter likes his food... and doesn't want to share. When sugar is trying to take his food.... he simply picks up the whole bowl of food and takes it across the room to get away from sugar (usually causing a trail of dropped dog food). And of course sugar cries until she gets her way. But at the end of the day... they are best little buddies. They have their own dog beds- when I wake up in the middle of the night they are usually cuddled up together on one. 

What will sugar do with our Baxter?? We will cry together for a while.   

What's up!!!

Wow..... I nominate myself for worst blogger in the world!!!! Has it really been months since we have been on here? I look at everyone elses' blogs multiple times a week, and I always mean to do an update.... BUT (there is always a but, right?) something either comes up when I do have a free hour to blog, or I convince myself I "need" pictures to go along with my updates and posts (and cord to get pictures from the camera to the computer is MIA).  Well.... I can tell you now I should be finishing up our "thank yous" (yes- I'm aware we have been married for almost five months.... better late than never??), or studying every vein and artery in the body... and there will most likely be no pictures. But dangit- I'm going to do some sort of update!!!

SO....... Whats up???

Like I said, we have been married for almost 5 months (will be exactly that in 9 days).... and loving every minute of it (okay... may not EVERY minute... but close). Since then we have moved into our own little place (pictures to come).  It's nothing huge.... nothing spectacular. But it is ours! Okay, not OURS- we are renting. Our good friend Chris (works at Chilis with us) manages about 37 units in a subdivision. Aw... who am I kidding? In a trailer park. Yes.... we live in a trailer- a two bedroom, two bathroom single-wide :-). And we are proud of it! Ha. Chris takes good care of the lots and homes, and our neighbors are all of our friends and co-workers (about 14 of us from Chilis living in our neighbor hood). Pretty sweet if you ask me! It has a good size fenced off yard, nice inside, Chris gave a good deal on rent (sold right there if you ask me), and is located only 8 minutes away from mothers- yes we timed it! We are very happy here.

I am a pansy. Never realized this until I moved on my own. I refused to be home if Erik was not. I would either stay at work late and wait for Erik to get off.... or I would just have Erik drop me off at my parents, and pick me up on his way home. Solution?? We got dogs!!! Yes plural- there is two of them. And they are huge!!! German Shepherds.  We knew we wanted a dog (my thinking was always to have two so they could be friends and not be lonely while we were at work and school- one small and one big one), but we did not realize we would have one so soon.... and two huge ones for that matter. Story? It was two weeks after moving in (3 weeks after returning back from our honeymoon)... we got a phone call. "Hey- do you guys want a dog? He is super cute and a really good dog." Um.... Why? Our friend Andy rescued a dog who had been abandoned and abused but her landlord would not let her keep him. Alright..... bring him over after work and we'll see if we want him (like I was really going to put him on the streets again). At work.... talk started that Erik and I were taking in this German Shepard. A lady that worked with us came up to me with pleading eyes "NO!!! Don't adopt this german shepherd.... take MY german shepherd. She is beautiful and lovable.... house broken.... potty-trained.... the best dog! And I'm getting evicted and have no place to go, let alone a place for a big dog. Our water is turned off... and I just really want a good place for her." Again... my sensitive side wanted to scream "YES!!!" but really? Two german shepherds? Solution? "Ask Erik." Erik's response? "Bring her over after work and we'll see how it works out." There it was. Andy came over first with the boy. WOW! German shepherds are really THAT big? Guess I didn't realize this. I was hesitant.... but let him inside just to see what he would do. He laid right next to me when I did the dishes? Hm... comforting. When everyone was outside, he laid by the door as if he was guarding it for me. And he really was the sweetest- most laid back dog. Sold!!! We got a dog- and named him Baxter! He warmed up very quickly and clung onto Erik and I (not surprising considering he was abandoned). Next up- Suger (co-workers dog). Thought we were content with one dog, but thought we would give this other one a chance. She was younger... and little more lively than Baxter. Bad? Nope. Her and Baxter got along great and Baxter seemed happy to have a friend. Then suger hopped up on me while I was laying on the couch and rested her head on me while Baxter laid as "alpha dog" right in front of us. Sold! BAM- Two dogs! Same day. And they are huge! More to come on them (I am obsessed) along with pictures!

Kimber update- Summer treated us both well.  I worked about 6 or 7 shifts a week. We enjoyed many fun vacations, and I especially have enjoyed turning this little house of ours into "our home".  I have returned back to school this fall semester.  I am attending 3 different campus' (one 20 minutes away, one 30 minutes, and one 45 minutes away), accumulating 17 credits.  It has been exhausting, but these are the 3 school I am planning on applying to for nursing school.  I had a couple classes from 2 of the programs I needed to take, and UNM main campus I just took classes at to get that GPA up (very competitive program). I am ready to apply- just need to suck it up and not be afraid of possible rejection. Going before a board to petition for one program in January. The other ones I just apply to around Christmas.

What else? Oh yeah.... I broke my foot! The first week of August (9 weeks ago) I went to a friends wedding. I was wearing heals for about 5 hours that day. I sat down for a bit (think that's where the swelling came in) took one step- my heal and ankle slid off my 5" heal while my toes stayed in place (my foot twisted at about a 90 degree angle-it did not feel good!). I was done for it after that. No walking for me. I had to be carried the rest of my trip (2 days left). My sister came and got me the last day- and her brother in law had crutches. Thank goodness for sisters and crutches!!! Airports were not fun going thru by myself (I let go of my pride and accepted the wheel chair assistance..... have you ever walked on crutches? I broke a sweat before I even got to security!!)
A week later and still no walking and a ridiculous amount of swelling- I gave in a went to the doctors. Stress fracture. Doc assumed it was being in 5" heels for 5 hours. Doc- "Were you wearing your heals for a long period of time?" Me- "No not really, like 5 or 6 hours." Doc- "Um..... are you kidding me??!! That is a long time!" Stay on crutches. Absolutely no weight on the foot. Foot was too swollen and was cracked in an awkward place that casting would be a bad option. Go see podiatry (foot specialist) in 3 weeks- stress fractures last about 4-6 weeks.
3 weeks later- Podiatrist found 3 more fractures. Could have not shown up on the first x-rays because of the swelling or could be new (very likely considering I fell A LOT on those stupid crutches- I fell coming up our front steps almost every night. I fell getting off the couch trying to get to my crutches... Erik, my dear sweet husband, thought it was fun to play on them and then leave them all the way across the room. Sick joke, right?? I fell getting on and off the toilet- even got stuck in between the toilet and sink one night. What a sight, I am sure. Embarrassing? Yes... but would like to think I will one day let go of these bitter feelings I have toward crutches and one-legged days, and will have something to look back and laugh on). Anyway.... multiple stress fractures. Come back in another month. But hey.... take this sweet, HUGE walking boot. Like that is suppose to make me feel better? "In a few weeks.... as long as there is no pain you can walk short distances without using the crutches." SWEET!!! I'll take it!
A month later (2 weeks ago tomorrow). Another doctor (podiatrist still).... your fractures are healing well. Lets evaluate. You have blah blah blah tendinitis. "You probably had stress fractures before you fell... and when you fell you actually tore the tendon that wraps under your arch. That is why your arch has been hurting you." Oh really?? I've only been saying that for the passed 2 months!!! "Depending on how bad you have torn the tendon... you may need surgery. We need a MRI to determine this. In the meantime..... You need physical therapy." As ashamed as I am to admit this.... we do not have health insurance (of course something like this would happen the few months we don't have insurance- we are getting some, but won't be effective until the new year). Doc- "oh you don't have insurance? *sigh* well here is my referral to the PT- will probably be a few hundred just for the consultation. Here is my note to get an appointment for the MRI those are also pretty spendy without insurance. And you may need surgery.... which is just going to get outrages. And I can't release you back to work *sigh* you... you.... you just need to get insurance..." Hey doc! Thanks for your advice!! Would've never thought I needed health insurance without you. And three docs.... three different diagnosis... 9 weeks of being in the same spot.... still not working..... hundreds of dollars spent?? Want to know what I say to your referrals? IN THE GARBAGE!! Now I definitely respect our health care workers (hello- I want to be a nurse!) and i don't feel like I'm above them by any means. But really? I think I can do therapy on my own (Kelsy's trainer gave me some good exercises), and ruptured tendon that needs surgery? Don't you think I would have UNBEARABLE pain when I put any weight on it? Yeah.... i don't have a ruptured tendon. I will fix this myself. And I will go back to work tomorrow. May be difficult... but I like to think I'm tough. But smart. I will not push it....

Erik update: Oh my dear sweet Erik. I'm sure he is thinking this marriage thing is way more than he bargained for. He is always saying "why are you always broken?? I want a refund." He started summer school shortly after coming back from our honeymoon. He was up late every night and up early every morning trying to study and get homework done all summer.  Could not be fun considering nobody else was doing homework or going to school.  He also worked about 6 shifts a week all summer. He is crazy!! I love his work ethic and motivation with everything he does. He has also taken on a full schedule this semester. He's taking: calculus (like 27 or something.... ok 3), circuits, physics, digital electronics.... and other ridiculously hard classes engineers take. He gets frustrated with how hard his classes are.... and how much time he has to spend in each class. But he still loves what he is doing, and can't wait to be done! I love him!! He works when we can (which is probably too much... but he needs to keep up the bills considering I've been out of work for months- oops!). When I was out of commission... on crutches.... He literally had to do all the house work, everything for the dogs (including getting up in the middle of the night to let them out to use the bathroom), and everything for me (I literally could not even get a drink of water for myself). What a good man!!!! He truely is the best husband in the world.... and I am very very lucky!!

Okay.... I think this post is long enough. Sorry if it was boring. Hope all is well with everyone else. I will post a tour of the house (with pictures), dog biography, honeymoon and other fun trips of the summer, and an elder update soon!!

Until next time.....

Elder Update- Week 2

Just so you know....... Brother can email every friday. (so before his email or letter comes tomorrow.... I figured I should update on his second week at the mtc (last week).

Mother usually sends 2 or 3 emails a week, my dad sends one, all my sisters, and of course.... Erik and I have sent one every week. Not to mention his friends, his girlfriend, and other family that writes to him. He doesn't get much time to use the computer (think he gets about the time it takes for him to do a load of his laundry). So by the time he reads everyone's emails.... he doesn't have much time to respond (he can't type or read very fast haha.... just kidding!).

Anyway...... because he had to cut our email short, he wrote us a nice 2 page letter which we recieved in the mail last week! We were so excited. He went into more detail than he had in any of his emails. So here it is...

Elder Update!!
His spanish is getting so good!! It's funny to read his letters because he says some of his words in spanish.  I'm sure the majority of his classes and studies are in spanish.... and if he's like a lot of other missionaries, spanish is their 1st language for 2 years.... and they actually forget a lot of their english. I'm excited to talk to him on the phone over the holidays to hear some of that!! He wrote me his testimony in spanish even. Very neat! (Because I'm planning on printing out these blog entries and putting them in some sort of scrapbook for him.... i'm going to share his "first spanish testimony" with all my faithful blog readers.... and for him to look back on!)
              -"Yo testifico que JesuCristo, es Slvador y nosotros hijos de dios. Yo se Jose Smith es profeta de     dios. Yo se el libro de Mormon es verdadero y yo se la Iglesia de JesuCristo de los santos de los ultimos  dias es verdadero inglesia y Thomas Monson es profeda de dios.  En el nombro JesuCristo. Amen"

Not bad for a week and a half.... huh??? He also said.... "The MTC is great.... I'm getting a little pudge. I have been eating a lot.  I think I gained a little weight. My life in the MTC is eating y class y goofing around. I made a slingshot with mi compeneros on p-day. It was fun I'll send pictures later. " He mentioned that his first companion left (as I posted in my last update) and it was the worst day. He admitted to having a really hard time with it.  I told him that these first few weeks.... and probably months are going to be the toughest.  Getting home sick and going into this completely different world can't be easy! But I know Kade will get through it and be great! He is now the only Elder in his district that is going out of the country (I think he's really excited to get to spain). He still hasn't told us any new info on his visa.... or when he heads to Madrid (hopefully tomorrow's emails will have the good news!)

The rest of the email was just person stuff directed toward Erik and I. One part I thought was funny.... and if you know Kade's sense of humor you will just roll your eyes to "I think you will be prego soon. I know. The Lord told me. Me and him are like peanut butter and jelly these days." He's so dumb! But we love him!!

Until next time....

~Elder Update!~

Okay..... I have sooooo much to update on, but for now.... an Elder Update. As most people know..... brother is gone. He entered the MTC (Missionary Training Center) July 7 to start his training to be an ambassador for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I will try to do an "Elder Update" once a week (that's how often he gets to email)..... at least until mother starts up a blog for him (she will be much better at updating than I will).

Lets back up a few days.....

Wednesday June 30 (a whole week before he entered the MTC)- Brother was set apart by our stake president. For those of you who don't know...... This is when he receives a blessing and is ordained "Elder Montoya," an official missionary of the church. The President and Bishop both gave some great advice to Kade and also to the family. President then took Kade into the office for one last quick interview to assure his worthy to serve. Once his final interview was complete.... Erik, bishop, and president set him apart. During this blessing, president referred to him as "Elder Montoya". It had all seemed so surreal to me up until this point. This is when I then realized brother is going to leave for another country. He would be gone for 2 full years. I would only hear his voice on those major holidays. I also realized, and admired his love for the Lord. His assurance in what he was about to do, and how much he knew it was the right thing. And although he was sacrificing a lot (school for two years, leaving is family, friends, girlfriend..... everything he found comfort in) there was not a doubt in his mind that he loved our Church and believed in it's teachings. So many emotions had built up during this beautiful blesssing from President Cordroy. I know if he listens and follows the councel of his blessing he will be a great and successful missionary. After the blessing, mom and dad both had a moment to say a few words to bother.... and to share their love of the gospel. After was Elder Montoya's turn. He broke down right as he started speaking. He shared how much he loved his family. He went through each of us that were there (whole family except for Crystal, Scott and the girls.... we missed you!!). He gave a special thanks to Erik for his example. He told my dad he was going to miss his "golfing buddy" and best friend. I was literally sobbing throughout this whole ordeal..... but so was everyone else! Even Demi (at 7 years old..... and may not completely understanding what was going on) was crying! It was kind of weird for me to see my brother so serious and emotional (something I have not seen too many times in my life).

Here is a picture of all of us...... ignore or bloodshot eyes and red noses (who is attractive when they cry anyway?)  

Stake President (President Cordroy.... love this man) and Elder Brother (that's what I call him)

After this special event.... with everyone still crying, we decided to go do something fun! We changed our clothes and set out for laser tag and dinner. We had a blast.... and we shall add this to another night we will never forget!

Most Elders do not get set apart until either the day before or a few days before they enter the MTC. Once you are set apart..... you are an Elder, and, therefore, expected to follow the rules of a missionary. Some of these rules include, no TV, music, Internet (any media) that is not spiritually uplifting. And one of the toughest for him..... no being alone with any female (other than family members) and technically you can only shake hands with females. Why was this so difficult for him? He was off to Utah for the next week before entering the Missionary Training Center, which is where is girlfriend lives.

Elder Montoya with the cute girlfriend.... Aubree! She is such a sweetheart. These pictures were taking when she came down to New Mexico to visit in the middle of June. Don't worry.... we asked her every day why she was with Kade (think they've been together for about a year). She didn't have an answer..... Haha! Just kidding she's very cute and has the perfect sense of humor to put up with Kade! I think it must have been pretty hard for them to say goodbye...... but I know she was very encouraging and supportative with Kade's decision to serve a mission. Are you going to wait for him, Aubree??? :)

Brother left the following day (July 1st) with my parents and Demi. They spent the week in Utah with the rest of my family. Erik and I, unfortunately, had to stay behind to work. Throughout the week they had lots of family gatherings (for the fouth, for Demi's bday, and for brother's "going away"). They also spent the day before at lagoon...... a SWEET amusement park!

July 7th- Elder Montoya was to report to the MTC between 1:15 and 1:30. He spent the morning getting everything ready and saying goodbye to family. I heard my sister Crystal, and my grandpa Montoya had the hardest time saying good bye. (These pictures were taken off Crystal's blog.... mother hasn't got her pictures yet)  

My mom said that brother got pretty quite on the way to Provo (MTC). They started talking about sports and other things to calm his nerves and get him talking. On the way down.... they picked up his friend Brock- Elder Lybbert (from Moses Lake, WA) who was also entering the MTC the same day and time as Kade! This helped a lot! When they got to the MTC.... they pulled up to the curb, brother and Brock got out and got their stuff..... Mom and dad snapped a few pictures..... and then they were off with their missionaries that were there waiting for them! My dad said that it is way different than how it used to be... and way less emotional. Both of my parents agreed they liked this better!

Since then: Elder Montoya says he's going great! He loves it at the MTC. He is learning a lot about the Lord, and is catching on to Spanish pretty good. He gets to play soccer every day. He claims he's putting on some weight.... and says they have tons of food! His original companion that he had (he really liked and they were to be on the same flight to Madrid together) already went home. He had a really hard time with this.... but has stayed positive and got 2 other companions that he really likes. His visa hasn't came in yet.... and he got a letter saying he will be delayed going to Spain because the Madrid offices were closed during the world cup. Haha!! He really misses everyone, and loves to hear stories of what's going on in "the real world". He has to get sports updates from my dad every time he emails. Anyway.... think that's about all for now. We really miss him! When we go to my parents at least one story gets brought up about brother, and my mom still says "go get Kaaaaaade.... oh wait..." when it's time for dinner.   

Wedding part 3.......

The following weekend.... we were up and at it again!

May 21, 2010- Our ring ceremony. The weekend before was about us. This weekend was for our friends and family. To show them how much we love each other, and to include them in this big step in our lives. We decided to incorporate some of the traditional symbolism of a "typical" wedding...... flower girls, wedding party, aisle walking, music, and the exchange of rings (which we had not done).  It was very important to us that they felt apart of everything! We felt by doing it this way.... we got that best of both worlds!

Getting ready...... I was still nervous, and still very very excited!!!

My favorite girls in the whole world!!!!

Bride and the beautiful bridesmaids!!! (The rain let up for about an hour for us to take pictures.... how perfect was that??)

Handsome groom.... with his handsome groomsmen

 Our HUGE wedding party!!!!

Montoya gang! I love my family!!

Fitzgerald gang.... I love my new family too!!

Erik's whole family.... cheering us on!!

Us with Grandma Fitzgerald

With Grandma and Grandpa Fiksdal (Erik's mom's parents)

Whelp...... guess we're not quite fit for parenthood just yet....

Us with The 4 most amazing people... our parents!!!

The cute flower girls!

Yep.... I tripped. Leave it to me! And not only did I trip.... I screamed as I did it. Graceful, right?

Jeff Earl performed the ceremony. He did amazing!!!!! Could not have asked for anyone better! I love this man.

Exchanging a few words to each other.....

You may kiss your bride!!

Mr and Mrs. Fitzgerald! Party time....

The venue....

The Cake.... (We literally sent a pictures about 6 months ago to the caterer.... just as an idea of something I liked..... and didn't think anything else about it). We walked into the reception and saw this cake (identical to the picture)...... we were so pleased!!!!! 

 

Toast time!!! Our DJ let the best man (Greg) and the maid of honor (my sister, Rachelle) give their speeches (which were awesome by the way), and then turned the microphone over to anyone else who had something to say. He told me before hand that usually the parents will say something, and then people will hesitate so he moves onto something else quickly. The parents each said something sweet and heartfelt (lots of tears..... I contained myself *shock!!!* but my sweet hubby on the other hand...... showed his soft side). Then we literally had a line of friends and family who wanted to say something to us. Everyone kept it short and sweet.... but it meant so much to us to hear what everyone had to say. We really are blessed with some great people in our lives!

Erik's mom...... who put EVERYONE in tears!!! But quickly had everyone smiling as she told the story of the bride getting left the night before at the rehearsal.

Story: We had rehearsal the day before, and then had to rush off for rehearsal dinner. I was in the house changing into my dress for dinner.... and walked out of the house to see everyone was leaving. I quickly walked around the house so my ride could catch the end of the line and not get lost..... oh wait.... there was NOBODY left!!! No family, no groom.... nobody!! I came with my parents.... but told Erik I was going to change in the house real fast, and was expecting to head over with him (still can't decide who's fault this all was). I slowly walked to the barn where the owner and her workers were fixing up a few things. With my head down, I asked if anyone was in there waiting for me? She started laughing.... and thought I was joking. I said "no really..... I got left!!" She responded in the mists of her laughter "They left the bride??? You have your own car though, right?" Wrong. No car.... stranded. No way of getting to rehearsal dinner...... who needs the bride there anyway, right?? This, of course, sent Johanna (owner) into another burst of laughter. Right then, my phone rings...... It's Erik's mom, "Kimber...... where are you?" She asked in a shaky voice. She said she got a bad feeling in her gut and pulled over and thought "I didn't see Kimber get into anyone's car." I responded as calmly as I could "Wine and Roses..... I got left." She felt terrible and said she was turning around and would be right there!!! So there it was....... Julie (Erik's mom) was looking out for me and took care of me!!! Not Erik..... not my family by blood...... but my mother-in-law!!!! I love her!!! Needless to say, it was quite the topic at the rehearsal dinner. Everyone got a kick out of hearing the bride got left behind!

Cake cutting....

Cake fight..... I'll admit, I got dominated!!! In my defense..... look at how much longer his arms are than mine!!!!

Cake completely up the nose..... he thinks he's sooooo funny!!

Erik with all the beautiful single ladies for his LAST time!!

Bouquet toss...

Oppps........ I hit the chandelier right above me and it landed (with it's pedals scattered everywhere) like 2 feet behind me. Dang it!!!! Can't I do anything right? Sorry ladies.  They need to teach the uncoordinated brides, such as myself, how to do these things!!

Guarder toss..... I have always found this as an awkward tradition..... and this is exactly why!! In fact.... I'm pretty sure I could see my dad through my peripheral vision at this exact moment in my life....

First dance.... "I'll take today" by Gary Allan

Good news...... he still finds me funny :)

Daddy/Daughter....... "Brown Eyed girl"

What would I do without him??

Mother/Son...... "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts

The DJ was awesome and so much fun!! The caterer was amazing and the food was fantastic (stuffed chicken and salmon). The venue was beautiful, the landscaping was gorgeous, Johanna (owner) was a sweetheart. Two families coming together. It was perfect! I couldn't have asked for more. Okay..... So it rained. Oh well.... We were in beautiful Seattle. Small price to pay! Besides..... what do they say about rain on your wedding day??? Life time of happiness? Good Luck? I can't remember.... But I'm pretty sure it's good. Guess we're guaranteed lots of luck through this journey of ours!!