Life after giving birth....

I just published Hadley's baby story if you want to read about our sweet girl making her big debut into this world.  I had severe preeclampsia which led to an early induction at 36 week. Here is a bit of our postpartum story (at least the portion of our hospital stay):

I wish this story was similar to my first pregnancy. With Collin I felt AMAZING after I had the baby. With Hadley I had a small window of feeling okay and I got to enjoy my sweet girl and introduce her to her big brother (one of the most incredible moments of my life! So grateful I remember it).

But that was about it. I quickly went back to feeling awful. The pain was unbearable and I went back to being almost unconscious.  I always feel so guilty and want to cry at this point in the story... but I hardly held Hadley her entire first 24 hours. In fact... I don't even remember much of it. I got very sick. I had to keep in my anti seizure medicine in for 24hr after giving birth (yes... I cried when they told me that. I KNEW that's what was making me so sick and nauseous and miserable). And I spiked a fever that night. I literally kept my head under a pillow and was basically knocked out cold.

Good thing for awesome husbands! He stepped up and played mr mom AND dad!  

 

 He did EVERYTHING for sweet Hadley! He changed ALL her diapers, gave her her first bath, he cuddled her and loved her just like every baby needs those first hours, and when they couldn't wake me up to nurse he worked with her to feed and tried giving her bottles.

 He's the best! I don't know what I would have done without him!! 

All night long the nurses kept coming in to take my blood, give me MORE drugs, and help take care of the baby. I was also on the air compression leg massager because I hadn't been up in days and my legs had retained SO much water (actually my entire body had) and they were so swollen they looked like they were seriously going to split open.  I begged and begged for them to take out the MAG and I knew I would start feeling better. I wanted to get up and use the bathroom normal (I HATE catheters), I wanted to take care of my baby. I wanted to feel like a human again. I didn't want to feel like death! 

August 17th, 2014

Finally at the 5am hourly blood and sugar draw.... I legit had no veins left! Multiple nurses came in to try to find something!! My feet, hands, arms, neck..... every single vein was used and dead (and SUPER bruised) and they would squeeze and squeeze for like 10 minutes and still couldn't get enough blood.  I had nothing left. I think the morning nurse knew I had been through enough and said "I'm going to call the doctor now and see if we can stop taking blood and see what I can do to get you off this MAG." THANK YOU!!

By 5:30 the doctor came in. He talked for a while and mentioned I should really be on the MAG until 2pm. Sometimes they get away with taking the patient off after 12 hours (which it had been almost 15 hours). I begged and pleaded with him and told him I would come around and be WAY better if I could just get off that dang MAG. He was extremely reluctant but finally agreed. OOOOOOOO hallelujah!!  

By 6 the MAG was out! The catheter was out. I ate some food for the first time in like 48 hours. Small victories! I was slowly coming back to life!! By 8 I was able to stand up on my own... and I even took a shower!!! Holy moly. Now we are talking! I was feeling like a whole new woman! I still slept most of the day and was still pretty weak and had a crazy headache but I was doing better. I could hold Hads a little more and worked on nursing with her. 

 She was amazing and perfect in every single way. Our biggest struggle was getting her to wake up! That cute girl was suppose to still be baking and she wasn't having it! This world was hard work!! She attached great when I would try to nurse her... but she would only do like 2 sucks before passing back out.  NOTHING woke that girl up... we would tickle her feet, get her completely undressed, sit her up, put ice packs on her, give her SHOTS. Nothing. Different nurses and pediatricians would come in and try all their tricks, as would the NICU staff, and lactation specialist.  

I know most people would not chalk that up as a problem. But it was so hard and rough!! She kept dropping weight, wouldn't have a bowel movement, and was so dehydrated she had acid crystals in her urine (sad face). They kept threatening to take her to the NICU but I would freak out and tell them we could do it. We spend all day and night trying to wake that girl up to eat. I pumped nonstop to try to get my milk to come in early, we supplement with super fatty formula, and I breastfed. 

*and i'm sure a lot of you are thinking what I was thinking- she was probably drugged up from all the drugs I had been on. I cried about that A LOT and felt awful! I was told over and over again that wasn't the case and it wasn't my fault- I didn't believe them. Except- my newborns do sleep A LOT!! She slept like that for months (like 22 hours a day)..... and Collin was the same way. I don't think they would have been drugged up for that long.... Our babes just like their sleep!**

It took 5 days but she finally stopped dropping weight and had some action in her diaper. So with that.....

August 20, 2014

Our sweet girl was FINALLY released from the hospital at 5lbs 10oz.    

There it is!! Our baby story!! The day that changed out life forever. Thanks for joining our family sweet Hadley (aka Hads, Haddie, Hadders, Hadderson, sis!!!) We sure love you!!

Questions and answers:

Do you wish you could have normal labor and deliveries??

I dream of the day I go into labor like a normal women.  I dream about timing out my contractions..... taking a warm bath before applying makeup and doing my hair (for picture ops of course!). Drinking some hot chocolate. Bouncing on a ball. Calling my mom to come be with Collin. And then... when my contractions get a bit closer I would wake up my hubs and say "It's time!" And we would calmly yet excitedly grab our hospital bags (I have yet to have my hospital bags with me going into labor and delivery) and make our way to the hospital breathing together to get me through contractions. I dream of that day haha. I have experienced nothing even similar to that! But as long as there is that healthy baby on my chest at the end, it's all the same! I would do it again, and again, and again a million times over as long as that's the case!!!! 

Are you going to have any more babies??

EVERY one asks if we are having anymore babies. My answer? I hope so. Call me crazy.... but I've always wanted a big family and I'd be heart broken if I couldn't have any more kids. I don't know if I can- it has been said that it is almost guaranteed I will have preeclampsia with every pregnancy of mine tho (although the increased severity of it was a coincidence). We understand the severity of that and do NOT take that lightly. We will have lots of doctors appointments (with lots of questions and seeking out lots of different opinions), prayers, and discussions as husband and wife before we make the decision. So with that..... If we do decide to have a baby- please do not judge or lecture us. There would be a lot that went into that decision. And if we decide we can't have another baby..... please don't ask me a million times if I'm going to have another baby. I will be heartbroken. But will always feel so grateful and blessed for the 2 I have!! And hey- who knows?? Erik and I are both very open to adoption.

What was Hadley like as a newborn?

Honestly??? As easy and sweet as they come! I have NO clue how we lucked out with such a sweet girl! She slept ALL the time! And when she did wake up she would just look around and would be so content. She nursed like a champ. She slept like a champ (was sleeping 6-8 hours straight at night from almost day one and slept all day long). And we NEVER heard her cry except maybe when we changed her clothes- she wasn't a fan of that. She was and still is perfection!

 

p.s. we can't NOT mention the hair! She had a ton and we got stopped ALL the time when we were out! Everyone stopped or at least pointed and said "look at that hair". Apparently a teeny premie WHITE baby with all that hair was quite the sight! We sure adored it!!

 

 

 

What was it like adjusting to 2 kids?

Some moms may want to punch me for saying this but it was honestly a breeze! I did have quite a bit of help those first few months so I'm sure that was a big reason. But I loved it from day one: I made sure I did not focus on the "guilt" of having another baby and just really focused on the blessing of having a sibling for Collin and having another sweet blessing join our family (I think that REALLY helps!!). The best advice I got in the hospital was from a random OB who came in because she heard she had to "check out the hair on this teeny premie baby!!". She mentioned she heard I had a 2 year old and she said "he will not want to be left out of ANYTHING! And he shouldn't- make that a priority. Make sure he knows there is always room for him. This baby is not replacing him... just joining him. If he wants to get up on the rocker with you and the baby- let him.... even if there isn't any room- make some! He NEEDS to know there is still room for him. He may even want to nurse. Just tell him 'sure bud! The baby doesn't get to have any cool food like you do because she doesn't have teeth. She just has to drink this milk so let me make sure she gets enough and then you can have some. It sounds weird but he will lose interest before you are done nursing and will be satisfied you didn't deny him something the baby gets to do with you." It did sound weird but it totally worked! 

Erik and I just really focused on having Collin help and join us for everything and he was def not replaced! It helped that they both slept A LOT! So we could still play and read and do what we normally did with Collin when he was awake and Hadley was ALWAYS asleep. And when Collin would go down for his naps (every 2 hours) we would love on Hadley and give her our undivided attention (even if that meant she just slept on our chests). It somehow just works! But of course I would fear "what if they both are crying at the same time and I'm the only one around?? Do i just choose my favorite for the day?" Nope- you just know as a mom what each kid wants and which one needs IMMEDIATE attention, or who will take the shorter time to calm down. And it's VERY okay with letting one or the other cry for a second Ex: When Hads cried it usually meant she wanted to nurse which would take me about 20 minutes. When Collin was crying he usually just needed to take a nap which took me about 30 seconds to put him down. So I would hurry and put Collin down then tend to Hadley. 

 

As far as Collin: we read LOTS of big brother books to him before the baby came, we talked to him about it and made sure he was excited to have a new friend and his own baby. He practiced changing diapers and rocking his baby elmo. When he came to meet her we had a present for him "from hadley" and he was so excited and knew she was here to be his best friend and not take his place. We made sure we called her "his baby" and with that you could always see his eyes light up and was so proud of that little baby (instead of jealousy). We were very careful to not jump all over him every time he wanted to go see her and touch her or put the binks back in her mouth, etc. He held her as much as he wanted and "help" with everything. Of course we would always keep him in the corner of our eye and were certain to keep Hadley's safety at the top of our list with a crazy 2 year old around... but it just worked out for us as long as we didn't jump and scream "be careful!" every 5 seconds he was around her... he was very gentle and loving and VERY aware of where she was at all times. (We did make the mistake once or twice and did yell our of concern to "watch out!" when he was around Hads and he almost turned on her thinking it was her getting her in trouble. So that's why we made sure we weren't doing that) 

I know it's different for every family but this is what worked for us!!  They adored each other to no end and were immediate BFFS!! 

 

 

 

 

These two sure melt my heart!!

 

Thanks for reading!! We love sharing these life changing moments with our friends!!  

Another Baby Story- Hadley Lynn

 I'm the world's worst blogger but I'm determined to get this story on the blog! So..... better late than never??? Here it is (long and detailed per usual): 

HADLEY'S BIRTH STORY

**As most know- I was officially diagnosed with "severe preeclampsia" at exactly 36 weeks. You can read all about that shenanigans here. 

August 15th, 2014 

5:30pm

Immediately after getting an "ok" from my MRI results and getting my diagnoses they started me on anti-seizure medicine so they could start the induction process. 

*(FYI: magnesium sulfate is the anti-seizure medicine they use with patients with moderate to severe preeclampsia.  This is given for obvious reasons..... I was VERY high risk and could have had a seizure at any moment. Having a pregnancy related seizure (eclampsia) would cut off oxygen supply to our baby (and other organs) and there is a huge chance that it would end in death to the mom and baby. This is NOT something we take lightly but if you talk to me I may make it sound like it's no big deal. I had "mild" preeclampsia with Collin and never needed anti-seizure meds so we knew this was a bit of a bigger deal. Luckily they have magnesium sulfate treatment now and it is a highly effective prevention and treatment for eclampsia.  Thank goodness for modern medicine!!!)  

The anti seizure medicine ("mag" is what we will call it), although super awesome at keeping me and baby alive and well, is not super awesome being injected into you and most definitely does not have super awesome side effects.  It BURNS not only at the injection site but you feel it through your veins. My nurse was awesome and diluted it VERY heavily. It took almost an hour for her to push the full dose through my IV and she went through multiple bags of saline that she was also pushing with the MAG to dilute it (and now you know why I gained about 80 pounds of water weight those few days).

Another awesome side effect is that this drug sends you into some killer hot flashes. Poor Erik. One second I would be screaming to turn on the fan and throwing off blankets and 4 minutes later I was shivering out of control and he had to run and turn the fan off and throw all the blankets on me. And 4 minutes later it was back on with the fan full blast and off with the blankets. It was super awesome.... and that continued for days! Also- once you start MAG you are not allowed to get out of bed at all. It makes you really light headed and your risk of falling is pretty high apparently. So with that.... I was given the option of a catheter or a bed pan. Neither sound appealing in any way shape or form but considering I was not numb what so ever down there I opted to wait for my epidural before getting a catheter put in (are you feeling me ladies?!?!).

**(Anyway- that is the 411 about MAG.  I started that at about 5:45pm. By the time our nurse finished it up and got us situated it was almost 7pm. I think it is protocol to make sure the anti-seizure medicine is in and working for a bit before they actually start the induction process.) 

8:30pm

It was finally baby time!  (ps it was my mom's birthday! Collin was born on my dad's birthday so how cool would it have been if our girl was born on my mom's?? We were really pushing it and hoping for it but knew they were going to do this as slow and stress free as possible)

 The doctor came in and inserted the first round of cervidil to soften the cervix and to hopefully start contractions so I didn't have to do pitocin! The death drug!! (In case you want to read about my horrible experience with pitocin with Collin you can find it here). The first time I had preeclampsia I was pretty with it when they officially induced me. Not this time- I have ZERO recollection of this happening.  

11:30pm

When the process began I was dilated to a 2.  At this point I was now at a 2.5. Contractions were slowly starting but not very consistent so they started round 2 of the cervix softening pills. I remember a little more at this time of the night. I was feeling AWFUL!! My headache was killing me, I was nauseous, I still couldn't see anything so there was a pillow covering my face this entire time, and the MAG made me feel 1,000 times worse! I was hot, I was cold.... I was being pump with so much dang fluid that I had to pee every 5-7 minutes (not even exaggerating there) so the nurse had to come help me with a bed pan. The only thing bringing me even a sliver of relief on my headache was the ice packs that just kept melting all over me so Erik and the nurse would have to keep changing me and the bedding and fill up my ice packs. And..... that was pretty much our ENTIRE night!

August 16th, 2014 @4:45am

Contractions were coming on pretty strong and consistent. I was handling them pretty well and they were NOTHING like the pitocin contractions I had experienced my first go around. I was now dilated to a 4 and was all the way thinned out.  My nurse came back in our room and told us I REALLY needed to get some sleep. The doctor had recommended we get the epidural we already knew we wanted- then I could be totally numb of the contraction, get a catheter put in, already be prepped if they needed to start pitocin to speed things up.... and I could sleep. The thought of getting a catheter put in so I could sleep sounded convincing.... as did already having my epidural before pitocin! Deal!!! 

The nurse went to call the anesthesiologist up. I was laying in bed not knowing if I could really handle the epidural. I remember very clearly feeling like death (I sound really whiny... but I seriously have no other way to explain this haha!!). I remember feeling very anxious and like I was going to pass out. I felt very weak and the thought of even sitting up didn't sound possible.

5:00am

The anesthesiologist came into my room. I REALLY did not feel like doing this right now but he didn't look super happy we woke him up so I remember thinking it was now or never. And I REALLY wanted to sleep! The nurse, the anesthesiologist, and Erik all had to help me up.  I was shaking out of control. That was the part that really scared Erik- I couldn't stop shattering my teeth and it was like my whole body was convulsing.  He asked what was happening to me and the nurse said I was either cold or the adrenaline was kicking in (remember- I didn't speak at all at this point- pretty much for the past week but especially the past 24 hours).

The anesthesiologist prepped me and I remember thinking "I'm going to pass out. I'm going to pass out." Erik sat in front of me- my feet on his knees, our foreheads touching and me squeezing his hands. The anesthesiologist reminded me time and time again about how important it was for me to remain COMPLETELY still (good one). He did the first shot to numb the site and I flinched BIG time! He scolded me a bit and told me that was the practice round but really reiterated that if that was the real deal that I could have been paralyzed there.  Thanks dude. I don't remember my first epidural being this painful (of course I was in full on labor with the worse contraction in the world.... nothing was getting more painful than that!!). 

About 30 seconds later I remember thinking- I'm done.... gone! My head dropped and my eyes rolled to the back of my head.  The nurse was screaming bloody murder "we are losing her!! We are losing her!!" She grabbed my face and kept saying "come on Kimber! Stay with us!!" The anesthesiologist calmly asked her to take my blood pressure. The nurse yelled out some crazy low number (I think it was like 88/68..... Normal is 120/80. And for the past week I was closer to 160/112. So basically that dropped FAST! And not that I could process it... but that was NOT good at all!). I remember thinking "that's wrong! I have crazy HIGH blood pressure!" But I couldn't speak or control any part of my body. The second the doctor heard the blood pressure he began panicking: "Get her on oxygen NOW!" (I knew that the anesthesiologist did not paralyze me or damage me in anyway- I was already feeling like this and KNEW I was going to pass out well before he even got the needle by my spine. But holy moly- it was complete chaos in that room for those few minutes). By some miracle, Erik, who is usually the WORST in situations like this, grabbed my head and said "Kimber, you're ok. Breathe in.... breathe out. Breathe in.... breathe out. You've got this. You're doing great. It's almost over". (When I ask him about this part of the story he said everyone was in complete panic mode and he knew that wasn't helping me. He said he was beyond freaked out but somehow found strength to be strong for me). And with that... my oxygen levels started to come back up, my blood pressure started to come back up, and I started to come back to life a little bit.  I somehow was able to mumble a few words and Erik was able to translate them to "She said she needs to pass out and she needs to lay down".

The anesthesiologist gave the okay and they laid me down on my side as he finished up with what he was doing. I was out the second my head hit the pillow. They woke me up a few minutes later and asked if I could feel my lower half.  One side felt numb but the other side I could still totally move and feel. They told me I was having a major contraction and I couldn't feel it. With that (and the fact that there was no way I was having him redo my epidural any time soon) I said it was fine and I was going to sleep. And that I did!! 

8:00am

I woke up to the sound of typing. I looked over to see my sweet nurse standing there on the computer.  She immediately asked how I was feeling. She was almost in tears as she said she thought they lost me and she was so scared (I almost told her she didn't hide that very well... but I didn't).  She said she had not left my side since and she did all her paper work standing up next to me. Man- I can appreciate a good nurse any day... and that lady was the best! I loved her!! She then ran off to get the doctor who was waiting to speak to us as soon as we were up. 

*p.s. So my family doesn't completely freak out and forbid me to have any more babies (which that already do) I don't think they "almost lost me". I obviously don't know and didn't ask questions then- but if I could have spoken before the epidural... I could have explained I was already feeling like I was going to pass out (probably from a mixture of the drugs, not feeling well, and then topped with anxiety). I think sitting me up after DAYS of being flat down also brought on the hypotention (low blood pressure). But I still get why it was a scary and serious incident in their eyes. 

8:30am

Our doctor came in and talked with us for quite awhile about what was going on. How I was feeling. What happened earlier. He also checked me and said I was still at 4cm dialated (bummer) and that he felt we needed to start pitocin to get things moving again.

9:00am

Pitocin was added to my IV (I seriously had like 8 things hooked up to that IV port). 

I was feeling okay. With Collin it seemed my labor and delivery was a breeze and all preeclampsia symptoms disappeared.  Not the case here but that's okay. I still very much had preeclampsia and all the fun symptoms that came with that. I still was hooked up to MAG and had all the fun symptoms that came with that, as well. Oh yeah... and did I mention I had been getting my blood drawn every.single.hour since I had been admitted over 40 hours ago?? My arms and hands were soooo bruised! I also had to get my finger pricked every few hours as well because I still very much had gestational diabetes. BUT I did get a little sleep, my epidural was indeed working and I had zero pains from contractions, and I was SOOOO dang close to having my baby girl and I was so excited for that!

10:30am

This cute boy and my entire awesome family came to see us! That boy in general just makes me happy and makes everything better.... but seeing him in his big brother shirt just gave me a big boost of determination and I knew: "I've got this!" We enjoyed some Popsicles together (all I could really eat except broth- blah!) and then he was ready for his next adventures! 

11:30am

I was checked again and I was at 5. My water hadn't broken yet. I was still feeling about the same. Things were moving a lot slower this time around but I just wanted sleep so I was okay with that.

 1:30pm

I was checked again. They told me I was almost to a 6. She also went to ask if I wanted her to break my water but at that very moment you heard a "pop" and then she said "well nevermind... I just broke it.... and here is your mucus plug." (TMI?? Sorry!). Welp- that's disgusting but thank you. She noted things should start moving along now and that usually means I dilate according to the "1cm an hour" rule and I'd have our sweet girl in 4 hours! 

I wish I could say I was excited. I was excited to meet my little girl- don't get me wrong there! I was heartbroken that this wasn't the "beautiful" and "perfect" labor every mom dreams of. I enjoyed so much of my first birth experience but because of how miserable I was feeling- I wasn't enjoying a single part of this one and I felt AWFUL about it. 

At this point I looked horrible and I felt horrible. I looked over at Erik with tears streaming down my face and said "I can't do it. There is no way. I have nothing left... I can't go thru a delivery. We need to tell them I need a c-section." Erik pushed away my hair and said- "you are the strongest woman I know! You've got this!! You are so close and I know you will find the energy to push our baby GIRL out! Then she will be in our arms..... you will know she is healthy.... you will start to feel better... and you will finally rest easy! You've got this!"

2:30pm

HOOOOOOLLLLYYYY SMOOOOKES!!!!! I was screaming at Erik to bring me a bed pan and to get out of the room! I thought for sure I needed to use the restroom! He said he wasn't leaving and to just do what I needed to do. NO WAY! You lose all dignity during labor and delivery and there was no way THIS was going to happen in front of my husband! After a few minutes of arguing about it he finally left the room. 30 seconds later I called him and said to get back in the room (haha poor dude!). He came running in and I said I think this is it! Call the nurse!!  

**I NEVER had the "pressure" they say you feel when you're ready to push with Collin and I wasn't suppose to be fully dilated for hours.... but I was thinking this was definitely it! Everything about this labor was so opposite of what I experienced my first time!**   

The nurse came running and asked what I was feeling. "Do you feel a lot of pressure. Like you have to go to the bathroom?" Yes, yes and yes! And hurry! I need to push!! She rushed to put on her glove and went to check to see if I was fully dilated. I'm pretty positive she hit the baby's head and her eyes were huge as she tried to stay calm and said "oh yeah.... I think you are fully dilated and ready." Then proceeded to 9-1-1 the doctor and the NICU. She let me push once just to find relief then asked me to try to hold on.

2:40pm

The doctor came running in and put on her gloves. She said "okay Kimber- I just want to see how we are doing here. Go ahead and push on your next contraction so we can see what's going on." A minute passed and I was ready to push. Her eyes got big and so did Erik's. I told her I was so dang weak that I didn't have much in me and I was pushing with everything I had so to get ready! And with that she rushed to scrub in completely.

2:45pm

The NICU staff came walking in and the doctor looked and them stern and said "um... we are having a baby NOW". Luckily everything was set up so they rushed to scrub in as I gave it my all for another big push.

2:47pm

On my 4th and final push (12 minutes total) our sweet baby girl was born! (The Big Man upstairs was sure watching out and was on my side for that one. He knew there was no way I could have gone through a long, drawn out delivery like my first one!). 

Erik was able to cut her cord and she was handed directly over to the NICU doctor and nurses. (That's protocol for a 36 week baby- they assume they will have problems breathing and few other complications as they are born premature.) 

But our sweet mighty mouse passed all her test and they were shocked but she didn't need to go to the NICU! And FINALLY she was placed in my arms for the first time and all was well in the world!

And this, my friends, is a look of PURE relief (I didn't even know a camera was around). I think every momma feels relief when a healthy baby is placed in our arms for the first time.  But seriously. After everything we had been through for pretty much this entire pregnancy.... I honestly did not know this would be the outcome. I stayed up many, many nights sobbing and fearing for my baby and myself and I was told time and time again "you will hold a healthy baby girl in your arms and you will be able to be her mom on this earth." I doubted that MANY times.... but here it was. Just as HE promised. I was literally closing my eyes and saying "thank you! Thank you, thank you! Thank you for keeping your promise!!" (thank you Erik for capturing these first moments and genuine feelings... I will NEVER forget it!)

 And after relief came pure happiness and joy. I had my sweet baby GIRL. My daughter who would grow up to be my best friend.  My mom and I have the best relationship and I had dreamed of this moment for my entire life!! EVERY one commented on how much hair she had and how shocked they were with how well she was breathing. She was our true little miracle and such a fighter. 

The doctor wasted no time and asked her name. I went to say "we have no idea" (and really? I can't think straight.... please don't ask me to make any permanent decisions for the next 24 hours). But before I could even look up Erik said: "Hadley Lynn" and winked at me. I was shocked!! I loved the name Hadley and it was my number one choice (found it on pinterest looking through baby girl announcements haha) but he had always claimed he didn't love it- it was too "cutesy". I looked very confused and thought we were going to be choosing from Charlotte and call her "Charlie" (Erik's number 1 pick and one I was good with) or Harper (one we both agreed we liked). He explained he actually loved the name Hadley and had just been giving me crap. And after seeing me go through everything I had been through the past few days and the second he saw her he KNEW her name was Hadley (don't worry- I made him swear he actually liked the name and wasn't naming her that out of pity for me).

We ALWAYS knew her middle name would be Lynn. My grandpa's name was Lynn; he passed away when I was 14 and I adored that man to no end! (and almost every 1st born daughter on my mom's side had the middle name Lynn).  And Lenn (pronounced the same) was my best friend's mom who was a second mom to me and who I love so much (she passed away when we were 16). Two of my most favorite people who are now our best angels! I felt both of them there and keep a hand in this entire scary process! She is named after them both and I think it could not be more perfect for her!!

So there you have it.... 

Hadley Lynn 

6lbs 6oz

19.0 inches

 We ended up staying another 5 days in the hospital. If you want to hear more details of that, and answers to some frequently asked questions we get (including: "do you want any more babies?" and "how did you adjust to two kids?") you can read our follow up post here

Preeclampsia and bed rest.... Round 2

*A little background.  Erik's last day of his internship @Conoco was August 15th.... His first day of his LAST semester of school was August 18th. Which means we would move back to Albuquerque for the fall that weekend. I was going to be 36 weeks pregnant August 14th.... I had it approved from hospitals, doctors, and insurances and I was good to transfer care that last month of pregnancy and be HOME to enjoy those last few weeks and deliver at the same hospital I had Collin. Perfect, right??!! 

As I'm sure you've read.... this pregnancy was nothing short of crazy and a little too exciting for ANYONE involved.  As we got closer (I think at about 32 weeks).... our doctor told us we HAD to start care and do our 36 week appointment with our delivering hospital and she would only sign off to travel back the weekend before (August 8th). Not horrible.... we'd be away from Erik for a week but not the end of the world.*

**Side note: This entire week was a complete blur! I was pretty drugged up a good portion of it.... and I also totally believe in "postpartum amnesia"... but mostly just very out of it! I remember bits and pieces- and thank goodness for my husband and LOTS of text messages to some close friends and family that I have gone over and over- I've managed to piece quite a bit together and write this entry.

Wednesday August 6th, 2014

Today was the day I had all my appointments to sign off and get approved for transfer. I had appointments with the diabetic specialist, the OB, and our surgeon. 

Each of them gave us lots of information, advice, and their approval to transfer care this late in the game (although not ideal). We signed papers and hugged it out (well not the diabetic specialist... we didn't know her- that would have been weird.  But the surgeon and the OB- they were there A LOT for us the past few months and we will forever be grateful for them).  3 for 3. yay! Finally some good doctor visits. Well.... almost. At our OB appointment I did have high blood pressure and a headache. She sent me down to get blood work done so they could check for preeclampsia (I informed her that I had a been a teeny bit stress out at home* and assumed that's what it was. We were both confident it was not preeclampsia yet). She said she'd call me as soon as she got results for the "final okay" to travel back to Albuquerque.

*At home we were in a world of unknowns. Every thing was up in the air with ConocoPhilips (no official word on permanent positions), with our home owners. We had prepared for a move back home for 4 months.... but.... then what?? Were we coming right back? Never coming back? What do we do with all our stuff? With the house?? Do you see where the stress/high blood pressure was coming from? SO with zero answers a week before it was time for me to get back to Albuquerque.... we decided to just pack up our entire house and store everything in our garage until we had word on what the next chapter was (in our head that made for a day trip back to load a moving van vs a week long project of packing everything up into boxes and then loading..... during or right after having a baby.... if that's what needed to be done). 

Thursday August 7th

Our OB called me right at 8am. She explained all my blood work was back and although my protein levels were rising, they were still not in "preeclampsia range" so she could give me permission to travel home.  She went on to say she was assuming I was headed in that direction and to have our new medical team test me again the following week because things can change over night..... blah blah blah!! This aint my first rodeo!! I was just excited that I got one more final day to get my ginormous to-do list done. Then... THEN I will be back at my mom's ready to rest, relax and enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy.

But TODAY I was ready to rock it. I finished packing, cleaning, ran a million errands, made Erik freezer meals to eat while I was away the following week, made treats for our neighbors, AND mowed the lawn. A little over board?? Probably. When Erik came home around 6 to see me finished up the lawn, he freaked out!! "Kimber!! What are you doing?? You are 8 months pregnant and have high risk pregnancies!! You need to be inside resting!!"

He was right. And I felt stupid. I sat down for a second with some water and the back pains started. I went to take a quick bath to see if I would feel better. Not only did I not feel any better, but the back pain got more intense. And then a massive headache came on.  Erik got me out of the bath and had me lay on my side to make sure baby was okay and to put some of my essential oils on me. I had consistent back contractions every 4-5 minutes until midnight, but because they never moved to my stomach we decided not to call our hospital.  At about 3:30am strong contractions started in my abdomen but they were never consistent, so again, we didn't call. I was up ALL night with that same horrible headache and was taking as much Tylenol as I was allowed to take with zero relieve (and I don't take OTC meds while I'm pregnant, so you KNOW I was really not feeling well!!)

Friday, August 8th

 Moving day! By 9am.... after zero sleep, zero relief on the headache... and knowing I needed to get my day going, I decided I needed to call my hospital and see what I was doing wrong.  "Hi! I know for a FACT I do not have preeclampsia. I was literally just tested less than 48 hours ago and I'm good. But I have this HORRIBLE headache and have already taken the maximum amount of Tylenol that I'm allowed to take in 24 hours and I need to drive today. I have no idea how I'm going to do that since I can't even see straight. Is there anything else I can take or do to get rid of this thing??" Once they found out I haven't even gotten up in the last 12 hours and still had this headache they told me I needed to get back to the hospital immediately (like ambulance status). I assured them I was fine and did a lot of convincing to have them be okay with me coming in in a few hours after I got my 2 year old ready and my husband came home to take me. They informed me this was not their recommendation but told me if that's what I'm choosing to do, they would see me at noon. 

By noon I was back at the hospital. I laid on the exam table in a ball, covering my eyes with my hands and asking Erik and the nurse to turn the lights off a million times (even though they were already off), and hardly responding to any questions bc 1. I couldn't even think and 2. it was just too much effort and hurt more to talk. The nurse rushed out just to have our OB come right back in to tell us we need to get up to labor and delivery to get the baby on the monitor and to try to tame my headache. Yeah yeah yeah..... we know the drill.

Up in L&D- they hooked the baby up to the monitor for a nonstress test, took my blood pressure every 7 minutes, came in to draw my blood every hour (to test enzyme levels to make sure my liver was not failing), and to pull my urine bucket just as often (to test the protein levels to make sure my kidneys were not failing). OH yeah... and to give me LOTS of drugs. For 6 straight hours. 

Can we say deja vu (In case you are new here- I had preeclampsia with my first pregnancy. You can read that story here)?!?!?! After six straight hours I still felt just as horrible as when I got there, even after oxy and one other narcotic they wanted to "try" (I don't even know what it was). We had declined morphine a dozen times and I knew there wasn't much more they were going to do. So I was very VERY ready to go home. 

At about 7pm- my OB, the head OB and about 3 other nurses came in. They asked how I was doing, in which I responded "ready to go home" trying to peak at them through my fingers. They each took their turn speaking and I remember hearing things like: "Look Kimber, I know you really want to go home. You have a massive headache that narcotics aren't even touching, you have scary high blood pressure, your vision is intensified. And we just found out that you have spiked a fever and you are pretty dehydrated.  You have EVERY sign of preeclampsia and we are shocked your levels aren't coming back higher than they are." "I know you really don't want morphine, but we really think that would be the best thing for you to do. We really need to get rid of this headache, and I think it's the only thing right now that will bring you relief. You can take it, get a good night sleep, and then we can get you a better evaluation tomorrow after your body has rested." "I know you are really worried about getting back to Albuquerque to deliver this baby. We will be lucky if we can get one more week out of this pregnancy and we don't have a NICU at this hospital to even care for a 36 week gestational baby so you need to get back to Albuquerque either way. We will airlift you this weekend if we need to."

Whoa, whoa, whoa!! Morphine? Still no. Only one more week of pregnancy?? Airlift me?? What?? Just stop it. This was too much for me. I just want to go home! 

Erik kissed me and told me I needed to stay for the baby (the only way he knew I would stay- guilt trip!!). He told me he would go home and put Collin straight to bed and they would be back up here first thing in the morning.  It was late and I knew Collin was exhausted, so I kissed him goodbye and Erik had to pry him from my arms. I cried. Probably embarrassing to admit, but it was actually like a hyperventilating sob. (I clearly have NEVER left my cute boy over night. Ever! And I also had never spent a night in the hospital without Erik, so that was tough for me too. Not to mention I was extremely drugged up and feeling horrible!).

My awesome nurse turned on some HGTV for me, got me a brownie (even tho she knew I had gestational diabetes), a phone charger, some toiletries, helped me get ready for bed and sat with me for a while talking about life and tried to get me to laugh.  I love and so appreciate awesome nurses. I WANT to be that nurse... one day! It was still tough- but she made it bearable. 

She asked me a handful of times over those few hours if I wanted morphine. I politely declined for hours and hours. By about 10;30 I was only getting worse. My headache was HORRIBLE, I honestly can't even describe how much pain I was in. My fever was not going anywhere and was making me feel even more sick. I was getting nauseous and dizzy. I had flashbacks of when I got my morphine push with Collin (lets just say- it was not pretty!!) and was scared for that to happen again, especially being by myself. But I knew I needed to. I talked with the nurse as she came back in with some anti-nausea medicine and asked her a million and one questions AGAIN and verified a hundred times that it was okay for my baby (you know, in case she forgot in the last 7 seconds that I was indeed pregnant still), and finally accepted the morphine as long as it was NOT through the IV.

She was relieved and went to order it. She came back a few minutes later and informed me she was only giving me 1/2 the dose the doctor ordered (still 5ml!!) in the booty. She had me lay on my side and hug a pillow and............. HOOOOLLLLYYYYYY BAJEEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!! Morphine BURNS being injected into you. Did you know that?? And yep... there I go! I started screaming at her to stop, telling her she was going to hurt my baby. I was shaking out of control. I was hyperventilating.  And I just all around FLIPPED out (I can't say I didn't warn you, lady!!). She rushed over and put me on oxygen right away and tried her best to calm me down. I just got worse so she grabbed my phone and called "my love" and explained to Erik what was going on. She put him on speaker and Erik used all his magic powers to get me to calm down from 50 miles away (such a good guy.... and such a genius my nurse was). I finally settled down and passed out with Erik still talking on the other end of the phone. 

Saturday, August 9th

I woke up around 3:30am starving and nauseous. I was feeling better, but I think I could have been hit by a bus and felt better than I had, so that's not saying much. I paged the nurse and she brought me graham crackers and greek yogurt (yum- my favorite this hospital stay!) and a huge horse pill. She told me the doctor informed her that my potassium levels were scary low (another reason I probably wasn't feeling fantastic) so that's what that ginormous pill was for. I was so out of it they could have given me anything at that point and I wouldn't have asked questions. I did what I was told, ate and passed back out.     

About 100 people where in and out of my room that morning (a slight exaggeration) and I wasn't waking up for even those coming to stab my arm with more needles.  I was out for the count. I finally got up about 8am to use the bathroom and before I was even done brushing my teeth, a crazy little boy can running in. I was SOOOOO excited to have him back. I got back in bed with him and the head OB and nurse came right in (they must of have saw the little dude). They talked to me and asked me how I was doing. I was happy to report that I was feeling MUCH better. I still had a headache, but I was doing good and I felt ready to go. They must of seen enough improvement because with that, they signed off and let me go!! On "strict bed rest" of course.

I slept pretty much the rest of the day and poor Erik loaded up the car and trailer all by himself. Then, we were off!! A three hour drive back "home".  Moving back in with my parents for the next 4 months.

Sunday, August 10th-Wednesday, August 13th

I'll lump all these days together since they were all pretty much the same.   

And that's how I felt.... meh! At least this time they didn't have to lecture me about laying down and abiding by the "strict bed rest" rules. I felt horrible laying down, and even worse standing up. My headache NEVER subsided regardless of what I tried, my blood pressure was horrible, and I blacked out in the shower and had to take multiple breaks walking up the stairs.The diabetes didn't help as I had to fast 2 hours in between each meal to take a reading and during the fast was when I felt the worse and my headaches became almost unbearable (and of course- my readings were super low each time so I'm sure that had something to do with it).

Luckily I had lots of help with Collin so I could just stay curled up laying down in a dark room. It was just as horrible and miserable as it sound. On Tuesday of that week I seriously debated calling an ambulance- I was that bad:  

This being my second time having preeclampsia I at least knew what to expect (all though EVERYTHING about it this go around was about 100 times worse). But with the good comes the bad. Sometimes being aware and knowing more comes with its downfalls.  Everything was all extremely blurry this entire week but there was one specific moment I remember all too clear. It was that day where my migraine (or whatever you want to call this headache from HELL!!) was excruciating and I couldn't find any relief. I just wanted to go to sleep to escape the pain- but I honestly did not know if I would wake up. The Heather Brown story was constantly flashing in my head (if you don't know who I am talking about- you can read her story here. She was the lady who had preeclampsia right after I did with Collin- except she was too late when she went in with a headache and started to have seizures due to massive brain bleeds and slipped into a coma. Three years later and she still does not move or speak.) and I remember just sobbing and praying like crazy that this was not it, that I would wake up, and that I wouldn't be too late once I FINALLY got to the hospital. I was without my husband and I REALLY didn't want to bother any of my family (my mom was NOT happy when she heard how bad I was and didn't call her!) and I hate the hospital and am never good to judge when I'm being "dramatic" or if I truly need to be seen. I just prayed that my Thursday "weekly" appointment would be good enough timing so I didn't have to make that call. 

Thursday, August 14th

I was officially 36 weeks!! Hurray. And today was FINALLY the day of my weekly scheduled appointment with our new health care team.

My litter sister took the day off to take me and my other littler sister and mom took Collin for me (thank goodness for awesome family!!). 

I was excited to get back and see Danielle (our midwife we had with Collin who we LOVE!!). I knew she would help me!! I went into my appointment and sat on the exam table.  I knew we were in trouble the moment the nurse took my vitals and was SHOCKED at my high blood pressure. She then went on to ask if there was any concerns I had to bring up to Danielle?? Um- what?!? Did you not read the 87 page medical records that my last hospital faxed over?? Oh... you didn't get them? Perfect. (Good think I brought my hard copies!) Well, beside the hematoma, breast tumor, gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, being hospitalized last week, and this massive 7 day headache that nothing is even touching.... I think I'm good.

Needless to say- that was an exciting appointment. Danielle came in with HUGE eyes and gave me a long hug (you know the kind when you feel genuine concern and love?? I just love that lady!!) before sitting down to "catch up" and ask a million and one questions. She said she wasn't even sending me down for labs... she said I needed to get straight over to the triage center of the hospital and a doctor from our clinic, Dr Trujillo,  was on and expecting me. She did check me and told me I was already dilated to 2cm and was about 80% thinned out. I mentioned Erik being 3 hours away, and she said she can't make the call but it was looking like an induction so to have him get to the hospital before tomorrow. And off I went (thanks sister!!). 

(side note: Erik's last day of his internship was the next day Friday. He had a feeling this was going to happen so he had actually finished all his work and cleared his desk by that Thursday morning. His bosses were aware of the situation so they said even if they were in meetings, just to call them out if he got "the call". So after I called he did a quick exit interview and rushed home to grab a few things and then headed to the hospital.). 

Aaaannnndddd back to triage I went.  I KNEW the routine for this exact hospital. I knew baby would be on the monitors for hours and my vitals/blood/urine would be taken every so often. I warned my sister we'd be here for a good 4 hours and that she could leave. But she didn't. And then... something NEW. Dr. Trujillo came in within about 10 minutes of us being checked in. (What?!?! I NEVER saw an actual doctor with any 3 of my triage experiences with Collin. They are so dang busy doing C-sections, and dealing with all the patients who have actually been admitted that they don't visit triage). He came in with a blank sheet of paper and and a pen, introduced himself, SAT down (gasp!!), and told me "okay, start from the beginning."

It may sound simple and crazy... but you have NO IDEA how happy and relieved that man made me feel in that moment. He never cut me off, he just listened with great intent and took a million notes. He understood I was nervous to take narcotics, especially morphine. He made me feel reasonable. He made me feel like I was not crazy or making any of this stuff up. He showed great concern and genuinely wanted to help me! Thank you, Doctor!! 

He came up with his "game plan":  He mentioned, of course, that he REALLY didn't want to induce labor yet. He assured me I wouldn't go passed 37 weeks, but wanted to get me as close to that golden 37 weeks as possible. He was going to see if he could schedule me a ultrasound to see how much the baby weighed and how the baby was looking, just in case we did need to induce labor. He also had a list of drugs he wanted to try besides the oxy and morphine that I had already tried last weekend. First up was a drug with caffeine (not positive of what the exact drug was, but my thought is Fioricet??) hoping the caffeine would help the headache. He also wanted me to do a in-house 24hr urine sample because that can sometimes be more accurate over a basic urine sample in reading the protein levels.  And before I knew it they were inserting my IV port and telling me I was being admitted to labor and delivery.

Hours past and the caffeinated drug didn't do squat!! The nurse came in to check on me and had me rate my pain. She noted it was the same and said she'd go check with the doctor to see what else we could try. She came back in to inform me the doctor had ordered me some morphine. Wait, what?!?!? That was not part of the game plan! I mentioned Dr. Trujillo said... she stopped me right there and told me Dr. Trujillo was off and it was a new doctor in for the next 12 hours? (Insert cry face!!) I was seriously so upset! And hate that the next step is always "morphine!!". I hate morphine. And I was alone, AGAIN (Kelsy was down in her car talking to her hubby, and Erik wasn't there yet). I asked to please hold the morphine until at least I got to hold my son. My family was on their way to the hospital and I didn't want Collin to see me like that... and I just simply wanted to spend some time with him in this craziness, NOT all drugged out of my mind. Fair?? I thought so.

A few minutes later she returned with the stupid, idiotic doctor!! Oh man, I don't talk bad about people but I was not a fan of this dude. He came in and said, "what's going on? Why are you refusing my medical advice?? I don't get paid commission for every drop of morphine I give. It's up to you. You said your head hurts- this is what I'm recommending. You can take it and feel better. Or you can not take it and continue to complain you don't feel good. You don't have preeclampsia. You probably just have a tension headache. And I love when people tell me they don't want to take some thing because they are scared for their baby. Like, hey! Thanks for reminding me. I forgot you had a baby in there! And yes, like I would really recommend or give something to a pregnant lady that is going to severely hurt her baby? Give me a break."

What?!?! Ooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! I wanted to say so many swear words!! Instead, in a not nice voice, I said, "first of all, I never refused your stupid morphine. I simply asked if we could hold it for a few minutes so I could say hi to my toddler who I have not seen today before being drugged up. Second, I'm a dang good mom and it's very natural to be concerned for her child! And third, I do NOT react well to these drugs.... which I just had last weekend, and hey look! Still have a headache!" And I should have gone on about his bedside manners, and pre-diagnosing someone without all the facts... and just about how he was about the biggest douche I've ever meant. But I was crying too hard at this point, and my head and blood pressure were already beyond what I could handle.  I've NEVER wanted to punch an old man where it hurts so badly in my life!! And I told the nurse to NEVER bring him back into my room again. 

My family got there in the middle of all this nonsense and I had to keep my hands over my eyes especially now and all lights off (pretty much for this entire week) with my headache completely spiked and the light sensitivity but I still can kind of see my family's faces coming into the room. I think they thought I was legit dying. And my grandma just so happened to be in town this weekend and it was her first time seeing me- she didn't hide her concerns very well. haha poor grandma! 

They sat and visited and helped calm me down. Soon after my husband was FINALLY with me! Life was good.... well as good as it could have been. I was given a very small dosage of morphine and it honestly didn't do anything for me. I don't know how many times how crappy I honestly felt. I tried to sleep, I twisted and turned to try to get semi comfortable. The only thing that brought slight relief was ice over my head. Every hour Erik and the nurse would have to change me and my bedding as the ice melted everywhere and bring me new ice to start the whole process over again. But that's what he did to bring even the slightest relieve. Oh yeah... and he ordered this cute little dude to come back and lay with me before I fell asleep!! These dudes are the best! 

At about 11pm and nothing working I asked them for more morphine. Yes- I was REALLY hurting to actually be the one to ask for it. After my second dose of morphine I was finally able to pass out.
Friday, August 15th

The relief the double dose of morphine gave was short lived. By 6am the headache was back in full force. The nurse started out coming in pretty regular that morning to check on me and ask how I was feeling. When I let her know I was back to feeling like HELL and her only solution was MORE morphine I let her know that that was ridiculous. Seriously?!? Nothing has worked except a double dose of morphine and even that only brought a few hours of comfort. I don't know what I wanted.... but I wanted someone to HELP!!! Is that too much to ask?? Pretty soon she hardly came in to see how I was doing. And half the day went by and I had yet to see the new doctor on. Needless to say, I was SOOOOOO annoyed. Why was I even here?? I could finish my 24 hour urine at home and get just as much help there!! I felt like nobody believed me with how miserable I felt. I knew something was wrong, but began questioning myself. I was REALLY wishing I had not transferred care. 

I knew my 24 hour urine sample was up at 4pm and I knew they'd just send me home after, so by 3 Erik started packing up our room. I was beyond mad and disappointed with the hospital that took such great care of me 2 years prior. 

As we were packing up a nurse came in with a wheel chair and told me she was taking me down to get an ultra sound... you know, the one Dr. Trujillo (our first and only doctor that had cared) had ordered?? Sweet, I'll go check on my baby. Sitting up MESSED me up. Normally moms are so so so excited to see their cute baby up on the screen.

Not me. Although I'm sure she was cute... It hurt so dang bad to look at the screen. I asked them to turn off the lights and I just laid there with my hands over my eyes, trying to concentrate on breathing, and was shaking out of control (like straight teeth shattering) for some unknown reason. Erik was so excited to see this cute face and kept telling me to look at her and all her hair you could already see on the US, but I couldn't. I think that got the ultra sound tech's attention and she started asking Erik questions. I think this is the first person to ask what was going on since Erik has been around.... and the poor guy just poured out his heart. He went into quite a bit of detail with what had been going on and explained how worried he was about me... and I think at one point he may have begged her to put in a good word to induce if the baby was looking healthy. I remember asking "how does she look? Is everything okay??" And she told me she couldn't answer (which I'm aware of. But usually they give you SOMETHING!!). 

Pretty soon she was wiping my belly and letting us know she would be back with the doctor.  It took a while for it to click, but after 10...15....20 minutes past I realize they only go get the doctor if something was wrong. I began panicking, telling Erik something was wrong with our baby!! The doctor (not my doctor. He was an actual fetal specialist- specializing in high risk pregnancies) came in and asked a million and one questions. He finally said "okay, an 8 day straight headache is not okay and it is not normal." Thank you!!! Thank you! Thank you! That's what I've been saying... but apparently no other health care professional was thinking that. He went on, "It doesn't make sense for us to keep pumping you full of drugs that aren't even working. My guess is that this is a "preeclampsia headache". The two biggest symptoms of preeclampsia is high blood pressure and headaches. You have both.  I think you have preeclampsia. BUT I need to make sure there isn't something more going on here. I'm going to see if I can get you an MRI right away so we can be sure there isn't an aneurysm, or any bleeding... or anything else. If the MRI comes back normal, I will assume the headache is Preeclampsia related and we will induce you right away." And if it doesn't come back normal?? "Well- we will cross that bridge if we get there. We REALLY don't want to even go there if we don't have to." (AKA- we will do an emergency C-section and you will go into immediate brain surgery). 

Okay. Thank you for listening and taking me seriously. But... uh... that was pretty scary to hear. We finished up and him and Erik helped me up. The doctor watched me walk to the bathroom with Erik (which I couldn't see, I was very dizzy and shaky, and I was so swollen I couldn't feel my feet.... so I'm sure it was quite the sight) and waited outside for me to come out. He asked Erik to set me back on the exam table for a second. Before I knew it he hit my knee and I legit kicked that poor guy in the man parts. I was mortified and didn't even know where that came from!! He chuckled and moved himself to the side before hitting my other knee. My foot came FLYING up again. What the heck??? I promise I'm not doing that on purpose. He turned to Erik (who was also embarrassed) and told him my reflexes were extremely hyper-active, a sign I was VERY close to a seizure and a huge sign of preeclampsia (what the heck... not one single person has checked my reflexes!!).

Back at the room I had a huge fruit bouquet and lots of goodies from the hospital waiting for me. The nurse would not leave my side and before I could hardly adjust in bed, my doctor (who had been on for nearly 12 hours and had yet to see me) was by my side ready to care for more. OOOOOOO now yall want to care about me?!?! Now that you know I'm not full of it and something really is wrong here?? I think the doctor knew I was not happy/impressed with her and she was quick to explain herself "I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you today!! I was just waiting for your results of your 24 hour urine sample to come back so we could go from there...." blah blah blah! (Danielle, our one-day midwife who I love, also rushed in at this time to check on me as she heard the news. She checked in on us multiple times but at this hospital, midwives work under an OB and can't make any calls until the patient is at least 37 weeks. So she couldn't do much except check on us)

With the doctor and midwife still in the room, the nurse came back with the wheelchair and said they were ready for me to get my MRI. I'm already claustrophobic, feeling like death, and TERRIFIED about what they could find.... So I knew going into a BRIGHT tube, with loud noises, and not moving a muscle for 20 minutes was not going to be super awesome. And in case you have never had an MRI on your head before... It was not awesome at all!! Not in anyway shape or form. HOLY bajeeze!! It was TERRIBLE!!!! Hated everything about it and about 1/2 through I had a major anxiety attack. So so much had been going on the past few months and this was almost like the straw that broke the camels back. Not only was i physically not okay.... but laying in the tube, I let my mind go to a very bad place, and I was not emotionally okay either. I didn't want to have to start all over again so I tried to just suck it up. I had tears running down both sides of my face. I was praying it could be over already. I was doing my best to just concentrate on breathing. But I couldn't do it. I grabbed the panic button and was getting ready to push it when I heard a voice over the intercom telling me I was done. Oh thank goodness!! Holy smokes! I'm pretty sure I came out of the tube screaming, crying hysterically and shaking out of control for sure.... and the tech had Erik come in and hold me on the table for a while until I was ready to sit up in get in the wheelchair. I'm okay if I never have to do that again... especially in that condition. 

Back in the room, before the nurse could even get me out of the wheelchair, she got a phone call. She said under her breath "wow. That was fast." and walked away as she took the call. She came back a few minutes later (another long, terrifying few minutes) and said that was already the doctor with the MRI results and everything came back normal. She went on to say that they also got the results from the 24 hour urine sample and my protein levels were high so I had been officially diagnosed with "severe preeclampsia". Phew! I know it is weird to feel relieved with that kind of scary diagnosis... but hey- it could have been worse! We were extremely grateful my brain was not bleeding out! 

She was instructed to start me on anti-seizure medicine immediately and then they would start Pitocin. 

And with that.... the induction process began......

To be continued.....

(*Just to defend our Colorado Hospital..... Lots of people, including the staff at the new hospital, questioned why the heck our original would sign off to transfer care with such a high risk patient. Their reasoning was that they could not care for me and our 35/36-week gestational baby at our hospital either way if I went into labor and they knew that was direction it was headed. They did not have the facility or resources so if I would have stayed and delivered there they would have had to send a helicopter for at least our sweet tiny baby and risk precious time. We would have ended up at an Albuquerque Hospital either way)