While this was all going on, I did not want to talk to anybody about it and was terrified. I appreciate all the texts, phone calls, emails, and facebook messages I received asking if I was okay and what was going on. I didn't say anything then.... but here it is now:
I was just over 34 and 1/2 weeks. Over the past few weeks we had been to South Carolina, finished another crazy semester with finals just the week before, taken our maternity picture, celebrated Rachelle's graduation, got away for a few days to celebrate our 2 year anniversary, started the baby's room, and was focused on working as much as possible (we both worked Wed-Sat nights because they were the busiest nights) and getting ready to bring home baby the following month!
Friday, May 18
We went to our bi-weekly appointment. I was feeling great! Couldn't believe I was nearly a month away from our due date already..... I felt energized, was not uncomfortable yet, and thought this pregnancy thing was way too easy. But because we had been so busy and constantly on the go, and a few people at work stopped me and asked if it was safe for me to be working so much that far along.... we asked our midwife if I should slow down? She took one look at me, my blood pressure (which was 110/65) and said "absolutely not. You are beyond healthy. Keep doing what you are doing. Exercising is the best thing for you.... especially swimming. You must just be one of those women whose body loves pregnancy. You go girl!"
Monday, May 21
We took our midwife's advice a little too far. Erik and I both jumped in my parents pool and swam lap after lap. Erik kept telling me, "Kimber, you are 8 months pregnant. Take a break. Don't feel bad if you can't swim a mile with me." I kept up with him and felt great... for a while.
A few hours later I felt extremely exhausted. That evening we had some friends over for some ice cream and a movie. I didnt want to tell anyone, but I did not feel good at all. I got horrible stomach pains and finally got up and went in our room. I sat in the bathroom and was just sweating one second, and would start shivering the next.... I was hyperventilating as I felt I could not catch my breath.... And the stomach pains kept coming.
I made it to my bed and thought... this is not good. Am I in labor?? I didn't think this could all be because I was stupid enough to push myself swimming that day. I thought about my health and anything that was abnormal the past few weeks: I stopped wearing my wedding ring because my fingers were too swollen, my feet would swell if i would sit at my parents high kitchen table (and after work, but that seemed normal), and sharp back pains that kept me up one or two nights that week.
Knowing one or two things from my many years of pre-nursing school, and my dad pounding it into my head that my mom had "toxemia" with her first pregnancy so to watch swelling, and monitor blood pressure (even giving us his blood pressure machine) because it is life-threatening and it scared him to death.
The light bulb went on.... I got just enough energy to get up and get the machine. Took my blood pressure... it came up 200/115. I thought, I'm pretty sure I would be dead or at least unconscious..... that cant be right. I took it again: 171/110. And again: 171/110. (For those of you who don't know.... your blood pressure should be 120/80. Anything over that is "hypertension" and anything over 140 on the top or 90 on the bottom- especially if you are pregnant- you should be in the hospital.)
I didn't want to scare Erik (he freaks out easily.... especially if it concerns me, and now ESPECIALLY if it concerns his son), and I didn't want to make a scene in front of our friends. I very calmly got the number to our midwife, told Erik to go in the room.... and he called our hospital. They told me to come in and thought I had an UTI. Really??? I have had a UTI before. This was NOT a UTI. I did not want to drive 30 minutes to go to the ER.... wait forever at midnight.... and there be nothing wrong.
We did not go. We also did not get any sleep and Erik took my blood pressure every few minutes throughout the whole night. It did go down a little bit....
Tuesday May 22
The next day Erik went to work and I went over to my mom's to do something. Everything was blurry as I was driving over there. When I told her what happened the night before, she said "get to your doctor." Knowing how stubborn I am, she said, "for your baby, please just stop by the walk in clinic here in town and ask them to check your vitals. Maybe your machine is off and it is misreading." I agreed, as I knew something was just not right and at 35 weeks pregnant, I couldn't risk it.
I went straight to the clinic to pay a bill, and said "can you guys just check my vitals really fast. I am 35 weeks pregnant and am just not feeling right." Within 10 minutes I was getting my blood pressure taken.... she took it multiple times on the machine, and then with her own cuff to listen for herself. She asked me multiple questions and looked terrified. I went into my room, but went out for a second to use the bathroom.... when I was out there, multiple nurses and doctors were in a circle outside my room talking about me. I immediately started to cry as I knew it was not good.... and I did not want to delivery my baby (boys especially.... as their lungs take longer to develop) this early. The doctor came in and started asking me more questions. Before I could even answer she interrupted me and said, "here is the deal, Kimber. This is serious. We have an ambulance on the way, you NEED to get to the hospital immediately. You are too advanced for us. Your numbers are scary and you are putting you and your baby at risk by even being here.... I don't even know why you came here. You need that baby on a monitor NOW, and you probably need to deliver him today. You are in labor.... that is what those sharp pains are...." She kept talking and I kept crying, but stopped listening. I was terrified. And I didn't want to go in an ambulance. I called my mom as the doc kept talking and she was there within minutes to take me up to the hospital. They were not happy I refused to go in the ambulance and made me even sign a paper saying I refused "medical advice" and the risks of doing that was "death to patient and baby".
Seriously?!?!? Who does that??!?!?!
We went to our bi-weekly appointment. I was feeling great! Couldn't believe I was nearly a month away from our due date already..... I felt energized, was not uncomfortable yet, and thought this pregnancy thing was way too easy. But because we had been so busy and constantly on the go, and a few people at work stopped me and asked if it was safe for me to be working so much that far along.... we asked our midwife if I should slow down? She took one look at me, my blood pressure (which was 110/65) and said "absolutely not. You are beyond healthy. Keep doing what you are doing. Exercising is the best thing for you.... especially swimming. You must just be one of those women whose body loves pregnancy. You go girl!"
Monday, May 21
We took our midwife's advice a little too far. Erik and I both jumped in my parents pool and swam lap after lap. Erik kept telling me, "Kimber, you are 8 months pregnant. Take a break. Don't feel bad if you can't swim a mile with me." I kept up with him and felt great... for a while.
A few hours later I felt extremely exhausted. That evening we had some friends over for some ice cream and a movie. I didnt want to tell anyone, but I did not feel good at all. I got horrible stomach pains and finally got up and went in our room. I sat in the bathroom and was just sweating one second, and would start shivering the next.... I was hyperventilating as I felt I could not catch my breath.... And the stomach pains kept coming.
I made it to my bed and thought... this is not good. Am I in labor?? I didn't think this could all be because I was stupid enough to push myself swimming that day. I thought about my health and anything that was abnormal the past few weeks: I stopped wearing my wedding ring because my fingers were too swollen, my feet would swell if i would sit at my parents high kitchen table (and after work, but that seemed normal), and sharp back pains that kept me up one or two nights that week.
Knowing one or two things from my many years of pre-nursing school, and my dad pounding it into my head that my mom had "toxemia" with her first pregnancy so to watch swelling, and monitor blood pressure (even giving us his blood pressure machine) because it is life-threatening and it scared him to death.
The light bulb went on.... I got just enough energy to get up and get the machine. Took my blood pressure... it came up 200/115. I thought, I'm pretty sure I would be dead or at least unconscious..... that cant be right. I took it again: 171/110. And again: 171/110. (For those of you who don't know.... your blood pressure should be 120/80. Anything over that is "hypertension" and anything over 140 on the top or 90 on the bottom- especially if you are pregnant- you should be in the hospital.)
I didn't want to scare Erik (he freaks out easily.... especially if it concerns me, and now ESPECIALLY if it concerns his son), and I didn't want to make a scene in front of our friends. I very calmly got the number to our midwife, told Erik to go in the room.... and he called our hospital. They told me to come in and thought I had an UTI. Really??? I have had a UTI before. This was NOT a UTI. I did not want to drive 30 minutes to go to the ER.... wait forever at midnight.... and there be nothing wrong.
We did not go. We also did not get any sleep and Erik took my blood pressure every few minutes throughout the whole night. It did go down a little bit....
Tuesday May 22
The next day Erik went to work and I went over to my mom's to do something. Everything was blurry as I was driving over there. When I told her what happened the night before, she said "get to your doctor." Knowing how stubborn I am, she said, "for your baby, please just stop by the walk in clinic here in town and ask them to check your vitals. Maybe your machine is off and it is misreading." I agreed, as I knew something was just not right and at 35 weeks pregnant, I couldn't risk it.
I went straight to the clinic to pay a bill, and said "can you guys just check my vitals really fast. I am 35 weeks pregnant and am just not feeling right." Within 10 minutes I was getting my blood pressure taken.... she took it multiple times on the machine, and then with her own cuff to listen for herself. She asked me multiple questions and looked terrified. I went into my room, but went out for a second to use the bathroom.... when I was out there, multiple nurses and doctors were in a circle outside my room talking about me. I immediately started to cry as I knew it was not good.... and I did not want to delivery my baby (boys especially.... as their lungs take longer to develop) this early. The doctor came in and started asking me more questions. Before I could even answer she interrupted me and said, "here is the deal, Kimber. This is serious. We have an ambulance on the way, you NEED to get to the hospital immediately. You are too advanced for us. Your numbers are scary and you are putting you and your baby at risk by even being here.... I don't even know why you came here. You need that baby on a monitor NOW, and you probably need to deliver him today. You are in labor.... that is what those sharp pains are...." She kept talking and I kept crying, but stopped listening. I was terrified. And I didn't want to go in an ambulance. I called my mom as the doc kept talking and she was there within minutes to take me up to the hospital. They were not happy I refused to go in the ambulance and made me even sign a paper saying I refused "medical advice" and the risks of doing that was "death to patient and baby".
Seriously?!?!? Who does that??!?!?!
Anyway- off to the hospital we went.... I have never seen my mom drive so fast in my life! I called my midwife on the way up there, and luckily she was already at the hospital and said she would come find me. Erik left work immediately and was also heading up right behind us. We checked in.... I told the receptionist what was going on and she got me into a room right away and said she would finish checking me in later. The nurse checked my blood pressure immediately, AGAIN! And again, it was sky high.... then things started getting blurry. Suddenly, there was multiple nurses in my room hooking me up to a bunch of machines, checking the swelling, asking me a million question, and getting the baby on a monitor. There was the receptionist asking me a million questions to get me checked in (luckily Erik was there to answer those questions as I couldn't even talk at this point). The lab tech was in there poking at me to get my blood drawn. Another midwife was in there staring at the monitors, saying over and over again, "this is not good." "how did this happen?" "Have you ever heard of toxemia or preeclampsia?" "We need to get that baby out." "Oh this is not good." "I can almost guarantee you will be induced before tonight."
My blood pressure kept going higher and higher with everyone in that small room, and hearing what everyone was saying. OUR midwife finally got there and ordered everyone to leave the room. She turned off the lights, laid me on my side, and talked to me about other stuff. She was shocked, stressed, and in disbelieve that my condition changed and took a turn for the worse so quickly.... but she knew she had to keep me calm, get my blood pressure under control, and avoid inducing me if at all possible.
After 5 hours of monitoring baby and I..... my blood pressure was under control if I stayed laying down, and all tests came back "good enough". Baby Fitz looked great and remained healthy... in fact I don't even think he knew what all the commotion and stress was about (that's all I really cared about). We were finally given the okay to go home under strict guidelines. I was ordered to strict bed rest...... the kind where you have to be FLAT on your back at all time except I could get up to use the restroom and to bathe myself. I remember looking at our midwife like she was crazy to think I was going to be compliant with those orders. She, who was usually very easy going and funny, looked at me very stern and told me it was critical that I follow these rules and that I do all I can to keep the baby in until at least 37 weeks. She then talked to Erik privately (who was grateful I was okay, but slightly bummed he was not getting to meat his son that night) and told him how important keeping my blood pressure down was and he was responsible in helping me get through the dreadful bed rest. She told him my numbers were horrifying and I could have had a seizure or even gone into a coma at any moment..... and numbers that high are not good for the baby- I am actually depriving him of oxygen and the nutrients he needs. With that.... I knew there was no other option......
Strict bed rest it was!! I would try to sneak in little tasks (like sorting through baby clothes, or making food, or putting on make up) but Erik was always RIGHT behind me saying "what do you think you're doing??" "Why are you not laying down??" "Kimber!!!"
He would also take my blood pressure every 5 minutes of the day....
He was a great care taker.....
He got everything around the house ready for baby to come home.....
I love him!! He is truly amazing... and obviously my better half.
*My family also was there for me through the whole thing! My sisters would come hang out and watch movies with me if Erik was at work. My mom would come over every evening and clean up what she could, and take me back to their house to make me dinner, chat, and do the best they could to entertain me. And for that- I say, THANK YOU!!*
But I still HATED being on bed rest!! I had soooo much to do those last 5 weeks before the baby came. I wanted to work and make as much money as possible so I could stay home with baby Fitz longer. I wanted to nest---- more than anything, I wanted to Lysol and scrub that house from top to bottom!! I wanted to help Erik and everyone put the nursery together. I wanted to wash all of the tiny clothes and hang them in his closet.... and get the hospital bag ready.... and the car seat and stroller assembled. And have a million date nights with my hubby as they were the last days as a "family of two".
But instead---- I spend my days laying there, and laying there and laying there some more. While I laid there, I counted fetal movements (recommended by doctors when you have a "high risk pregnancy")..... and this kid would go hours without moving at all. Do you understand how terrifying that was?!?! I hated it! I also spend much of my day researching anything and everything I could find on "preeclampsia" and the risks high blood pressure had on my my baby..... and multiple times I would see the word "stillborn". Do you know terrifying THAT was??!! I think it is safe to say.... I was very depressed.
I was also in and out of the hospital and labs nearly every other day. Whether it was getting check ups, getting my blood drawn to make sure my liver was not failing, doing 24 hours urine samples to make sure my kidneys were not failing...... it was fun.....
Thursday, May 31st
We were 36 and 1/2 weeks. I was SO DONE with bed rest. We went to our weekly check-up. I was 1 and 1/2 centimeters dilated and 50 percent effaced. Our midwife looked into my eyes and saw all the pain. When she asked sincerely, "how are you guys doing?" Erik was drained (he was working both of our shifts at work, keeping the house cleaned, trying to keep me in a good place, catering to my every need, worried himself about me and his baby), and I just started sobbing. I explained.... "do you know what it is like to sit there all day long and count fetal movements?? And when he doesn't move, I automatically think he is dead! Do you know what it is like to not want to even get up to use the bathroom because you feel like you are depriving your kid of oxygen and putting him at risk?? Do you know what it is like to feel like some one's life is 100% dependent on you and your actions??" I think I was a little stressed, overwhelmed, scared..... stressed some more..... depressed. It just plain SUCKED!! Our midwife sympathized with us, but explained that we were doing everything correct. She knew we wanted the baby out then, but it was not the best option. She really wanted us to get to at least 37 weeks (even 40 weeks.... the longer he stayed in the lower the risks of complication were). And she did another non-stress test to see how the baby was handling my not-so-composed self (I think she really just ordered one to make Erik and I feel better, and for that I am grateful).
After an hour of being on the monitors- our midwife came in and told us the baby wasn't moving as much as he should. It was probably nothing- I had not eaten much that day, and he could have been sleeping- but the OBGYN ordered me back to the hospital for more test.
So back to the hospital we went (second week in a row)........ and back to 5 more hours of monitoring and tests.
And..... all tests came back "good enough" and even though baby Fitz was not super active with the non-stress test (scared us to death), he passed the big test done on the ultrasound (forget what that test was called- but he has so many minutes to do so many things and if he does not get a certain score, they induce..... but he passed with flying colors. In fact, he got the highest score possible! I think he was just teasing us all day.) With that- we were released to go home, still ordered to strict bed rest.
As sucky, for lack of a better word, as bed rest was..... we couldn't help but be so grateful that our little man was staying strong and was healthy as could be (he measured 6lbs 2oz on that ultra sound, and his feet were HUGE- couldn't make much else out considering he was so big). We decided that things could be MUCH worse and we needed to change our attitudes.
Monday, June 4th
We made it to the golden 37 weeks!! (this is the last pic of my huge preggo belly)
I was feeling great! I had a positive outlook on things. I was enjoying the "rest" as I knew I would soon be wishing for some. I was finding ways to entertain myself. The baby was kicking and moving around like crazy- another thing I just wanted to take in as I knew it would not last much longer. Life was good!!
Wednesday, June 6th
Things took a turn for the worse. Baby wasn't moving. I felt horrible.... headaches, fever symptoms, body aches..... and my blood pressure was through the roof again. Was on the phone all day with nurses (none that I was fond of as they gave the worse advice and kept telling me "The bigger the baby gets the harder it is for him to move. You are just fine." Um.... obviously not!!! What part of high risk pregnancy do you not understand?!?!"
Thursday, June 7th
We were back at the clinic for our weekly check-up. I was feeling a little better, baby was moving a little more, and my blood pressure was "ok". I just had a horrible, ongoing headache. Apparently they frown upon that. With just that one symptom, our midwife looked beyond concerned again and went out to call the OBGYN at the hospital. She came back to tell us she was tempted to send me to the hospital again.... but she would have us wait it out a day. She instructed me to take X amount of ibuprofen and to call the following day if the headache was still there. She also sent us down to the lab to get MORE blood drawn and to take home another 24 hour urine test that I needed to start immediately and get back to them as soon as I was done with it (again, making sure my liver and kidneys weren't failing.... and that preeclampsia was not turning into full blown eclampsia- which can be fatal to both mom and baby).
Friday, June 8th
We stopped by the lab here in town to drop off my 24-hour urine collection that morning. They had some crazy story about how I would not have results for a week because the truck that comes to get the lab work doesn't get there until 5 and takes everything to California. What the heck???? Erik suggested we just drive the 30 minutes ourselves back to our regular clinic.
I was beyond annoyed, but I guess it was a blessing in disguise. When we dropped off our urine (how many times can I say "urine" in one post??), I was on the verge of blacking out. Erik was "done" and walked over and told the front desk he needed to see our midwife immediately... he didn't care if we had an appointment or not. With me barely standing up behind him, they sent us back right away.
Danielle (our midwife) was standing at the nurses station and made eye contact with us as we walked back. She rushed over to meet us half way down the hall and frantically asked, "whats wrong? Is everything ok? Do you still have a headache?" Erik, who had remained cool through the entire process, spoke up before I could get a word..... "No, she's not ok. She still has her headache. Look at her.... she obviously doesn't feel good. Something is not right, and I'm not going to wait around all day, perhaps weekend, for tests results to come back telling me that." Taking control.... I love my man! Danielle understood and asked me if I wanted oxycodon.... or something stronger then the ibuprofen to help with my headache. Absolutely not. I had a hard enough time taking ibuprofen at all, because I was scared for my baby, and here I have taken the maximum dose you are allowed for one day and she wants to give me stronger drugs??? No thank you.
Danielle then asked her nurse to get us in a room to check my vitals really fast. As soon as I laid on the bed I pretty much passed out and don't remember much. Erik said our nurse came in, took my blood pressure (even with me laying down), looked at Erik with a horrified look like "this is not good," and then walked out of them room without saying a word (we still don't know what my numbers were). Danielle came in immediately and told Erik, "get her to the hospital, now! I'll call them and let them know you are on your way. I'm working labor and delivery there tonight so I'll come check on you guys. Go!"
13 minutes
later, we were back in the prenatal unit of the Women's hospital- for the third
week in a row. The nurse came in and gave me a few pills. She said,
"it is just Tylenol mixed with some oxycodone" (she said oxycodone
kind of under her breath). I, with my few pharmacology classes and having
just finished medicine aid clinicals, said "you mean percocet??!!" (I
did not ask for it.... and I was very skeptical). Erik and I both asked a
million and one questions about effects it would have on the baby....
expressing our concerns and letting her know the baby's health was much more
important to us then a headache They assured me that the baby would be
fine, and they really needed to get that headache gone for bigger reasons then
we knew.... and this is the recommended option. We both know they knew
more then us, and they have probably given this drug to hundreds of pregnant
women before.... so we agreed to take it.
Shortly
after taking it, I felt tired and "drugged up". I did not like
that feeling and actually started having an anxiety attack. The headache
did not go away, I felt worse, and my blood pressure no longer went down- even
while I was laying down.
Finally,
at 6:45pm they came in and told us they needed to monitor me overnight and that
we were going to be moving over to the "labor and delivery" unit of
the hospital. I was pretty out of it, but Erik immediately said,
"does that mean we are having our baby tonight?!?!" The nurse
explained that she is not sure if the doc will induce me.... they baby probably
needs to come out, but I would not want to go into labor in my condition.... as
labor as already hard enough as it is. With that, we were directed down to our
new room, I was put in a gown, and my family was all in my room before I even
got into bed. As this day was all pretty hazy, I felt calm (for the first
time) being surrounded by loved ones.
By 7:45pm,
I was getting my IV put in (which did not feel great) and I they were putting
on "medicine that was stronger then the oxycodone and percocet"-----
so..... morphine?!?!? I don't even know what it was.... or if Erik or I even
agreed to it. I thought I was just getting hooked up to an IV like every other
lady going into labor is hooked up to. IMMEDIATELY I got dizzy and
nauseous.... was having the "out of body experience", and was trying
so hard not to pass out. I HATED every second of her pushing that
"drug x" through my IV- I hated feeling like I was going to go to
sleep and miss something. I hated that I did not know what that was going to do
to my baby (especially having such a strong effect on me). I hated not being in
control of my body.... AND I FREAKED OUT!!! *at least we all know I am not
getting addicted to prescription drugs any time soon*. I don't remember much
after that.
Erik said
that I kept screaming "STOP!!!" "You're drugging my baby!!"
"I'm going to pass out!!" "Leave me alone!!" I was fighting
my sleep and soon my words were slurred and nobody could understand me.
Erik was very scared for me and for our baby. And because I was so
anxious, my blood pressure went through the roof!! Erik said the alarm kept
sounding on the monitors because my numbers were so horribly high.
Rachelle (my sister) stayed with Erik most of the night, as he was freaking
out. Danielle (our midwife) was with us at this point and kept running in every
few minutes to turn off the alarms and make sure I was ok. Erik said she was
really worried about me. They had been taking my blood almost every hour
throughout the entire day, and would send samples of my urine down to the lab
just as often.
At 11pm,
Danielle came in and told Erik that their entire team was shocked that my
protein levels in my urine, and the liver tests from my blood were not
"horrible," considering my numbers. That was one good
thing. Another positive, was that the baby was still looking great on the
monitor. Hypertension alone would not normally call for them to take the baby
early, but because my numbers were so scary (I could have had a seizure or even
slipped into a coma at any second), and they were no longer going down even with
me laying down, IT WAS TIME TO INDUCE......
Immediately,
(with me still out of it and not knowing what was going on) the process
began.....
